All Roads Lead Home
by OhMerlin's Beard
Summary: " Angels are warriors of God. I'm a soldier." Warning:Dark/Abuse. Castiel was captured by Crowley and punished for his betrayal. Nine months in hell is a long time for a broken angel of the Lord. It's up to the Winchesters to put all the brokenness back together again. "With family, all brokenness can be healed, Cas.",Dean says
1. Chapter 1- Damnation, Boy

Chapter One: Damnation, Boy

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"It'll be your damnation, boy. You'll wear out a hundred pairs of boots on your way to hell."- Stephen King

"Tell me, Cass. Are you sorry for your betrayal?" Crowley barks out the question like one of his hell hounds.

"Never." Castiel remarks, spitting on the demon.

"You'll pay for that..." Crowley growls, slapping Castiel across the face. Hard.

Castiel tried to hide his pain, but flinched back slightly due to the agony coursing through his face. His lip was busted and his nose broken. Despite his efforts to remain silent the angel hissed in pain, his only comfort coming in the form of spitting on Crowley.

Crowley stepped away in disgust and nodded, allowing Alistair to step in.

Cass was bound by chains covered in sigils, his wrists and ankles connected to iron posts. He had no way of avoiding the second demon. Alistair stood closely allowing access to the angel's body and filling the space. Cass dangled in thin air, feet not touching the ground. His shoulders were screaming in protest after carrying his weight for so long - if this wasn't agony, Cass didn't know what was.

Alistair smiled evilly and laughed at Cass struggling as his knife scrapped against Cass' sensitive skin, leaving behind a river of blood. The crimson standing the area around them, their clothes, skin and concrete floor.

"We're going to have fun, boy," Alistair smirks.

The demon cut deep into Cass' skin until the angel was leaking blood from every limb. Alistair reopened old wounds as soon as they began to heal, Castiel wasn't given a single moment of peace.

The demons left him in unbearable pain and clinging onto life, but never allowed the angel to die. Dying would allow Castiel enough time to heal and Crowley wanted the marks to be worn on the angel's skin.

After ten minutes the demon grew bored of this torture.

That was when Alistair stepped back and released the hell hounds. Castiel screamed until his throat was beyond raw, burning and aching for water...anything!

They tore at his flesh, ripping and pulling away at Cass' vessel. Alistair gave the man no mercy as Cass pleaded with him to make it stop. Cass' voice soon became so hoarse that he was unable to scream.

Demons show no mercy and Crowley only returned several hours later when Cass was a quivering wreck.

A favorite activity of Crowley's was torturing Cass after a long day of being the king of hell, especially when he was frustrated or angry. Sometimes just for pleasure. He enjoyed hitting Castiel using a whip with burs. It tore at the thin skin covering patches of scabs.

But today Cass was subject to something new.

Crowley smiled as he came down the stairs to the room where they kept Castiel. The room was a basement, cold, dark and mildewy, laced with the smell of blood, flesh and death. Castiel had grown to know the smell well, getting used to the stench of urine and faeces. His grace was so weak he was practically human, excretion now part of his day to day lifestyle.

Crowley made a face, one that let Cass know today's punishment would be particularly harsh. On a good day, Crowley might show a bit of mercy, but when he was angry he took it out on Cass.

"Hello, pet," Crowley smirks with a flourish of jazz hands, "your master is home."

Castiel said nothing, and Crowley expected his pet to greet him. He also required to call him master, which Castiel refused to call him. Crowley thought they had beaten the fight out of Castiel. Most days the angel took his punishments and obeyed. But today, it seemed the mercy shown to him would bite him in the ass.

"I expect you to greet me, you ungrateful git," Crowley barks as he spits in Castiel's face.

"I will not submit to call you, master. You are nothing but scum." Castiel replied with more conviction than he felt.

"I put a roof over your head, provide you with food and water. You should be grateful, you should bow at your master's feet."

"Just wait until my family finds out what you're doing to me."

"You mean the idiotic Winchesters and Singer? I hate to break it to you, kiddo, but they'll never come for you. They hate you, Cass."

"I promise they'll come for me and demons will shake and cry for mercy when they come for you all."

Crowley pulled a black, slick gun from his trouser pocket. A common punishment was being shot with rubber bullets - they weren't lethal, but incredibly painful.

Little did Castiel know that it was a stun gun this time.

Crowley growled and placed the gun to Castiel's backside. As soon as he squeezed the trigger pain shot through Cass' body. The angle gritted his teeth to keep in his cries but a scream had already been torn from his throat. Crowley smirked and set the voltage as high as it would go.

Castiel's body was sent through spasm after spasm of agony.

Castiel fought for as long as he could before submitting to pain. He lost control of his body, feeling warmth spread through his thin tracksuit buttons. He had wet himself. Desperation and wetting were just another way for Crowley to dominate and humiliate the angel.

"Alistair will come down and administer your meds."

Crowley set the gun down and left Castiel. Alistair came with a large syringe with a vile liquid within.

Castiel had lost track of how long he'd been in hell. Of course, Crowley knew 9 long months and during his stay Castiel had been given the medication several times. This one stood out from the acid Alistair enjoys injected into his veins. This vile liquid made Castiel violently ill for days and caused hallucinations. The acid just burned his veins, eating away, but his grace allowed the sting to heal enough to keep him alive.

Alistair stood over Castiel and held the man's arm out. He tried to find a place to inject into Castiel's abused veins.

He finally found a spot and injected Castiel, laughing as he turned the lights off, leaving Castiel in the dark. There was little mercy shown to the angel. The only mercy he was shown today was, he was allowed to lay on the dirty floor. Instead of being suspended.

However, Cas was still shackled and unable to find comfort. There was nothing but a thin, fraying blanket to cover himself with. Within hours, Castiel was curled into a ball and sobbing. He panicked as the vile medicine took his body over and he lost control.

He sobbed as he coughed, each breath a struggle. He was having hallucinations left and right. The worst one was of Dean standing over him – Castiel screamed during that vision.

"You're going to pay, you little shit." Dean said gruffly standing over Castiel.

"I'm sorry, Dean." Castiel squeaked weakly.

"No one can save you. Not your big brothers. Your father will never come to save you."

"I'm so sorry Dean." Castiel chokes out through a sob.

"I don't believe you, you lying bitch." Dean barks before stabbing Castiel, over and over again.

Even as Castiel struggled to breathe, his chest heaving and taking his last breath, Dean stabbed the angel over and over again. Castiel's blood stained Dean's clothes and hands.

Castiel watched himself be killed by Dean over and over again. He screamed, crying out and begging for Dean to stop. But the relief never came.

Castiel sobbed, days went by and no one came down the stairs. Not once, he was left all alone, damned to remain in the pits of hell. Castiel didn't know that he was being kept in the basement of a holding facility. In which the demons owned. He clung onto the hope someone would save him, perhaps the ones he called his family would rescue him.

In his final hours of insanity, he pushed himself onto his knees. For five days he rode out the storm. Struggling to survive, he was able to keep little food down and water wasn't hydrating him enough...he had been vomiting and his fever was still high.

He managed to half kneel and half lay down. His voice was thick and hoarse as he collected the courage to speak. He was barely holding on to life – he knew his chances were slim, but held onto his faith.

"Father, I know I have wronged you. Please forgive me, I know I have sinned, but please atone my crimes. If you are listening, I mean I'd understand if you don't want to, I don't deserve your forgiveness or salvation...but please, Father, have mercy on me. Send someone to rescue me. Amen."

And with those words said, he slips into the darkness still praying to God, that someone would save him from damnation. Anything would be suffice, he just needed a release from this damnation.

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Author's s Note: My lovely beta helped me with this chapter. So here's an a new and improved version. Enjoy! Big Thanks to Audhds for helping me out. Every chapter will be getting a new and improved chapter.


	2. Chapter 2- Godsent

"They are a Godsend. If not for them we'd still be in an even bigger mess. I mean in an even bigger mess than we are in now." - Charles Owen

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It had been several hours since Castiel had collapsed and he was now lying on the floor, curled into a ball and shivering. He closed his eyes when he could no longer cope with his dizziness, it was making the nausea worse. He wasn't sure if it was the room spinning, him spinning or his brain spinning...or a combination of all three.

Little did he know, the Winchesters and Bobby were right outside his door. The boys had fought their way through the building and Dean, terrified for his friend, was now hammering at one of the many locks. When he was finished and shards of metal were all that remained of the locks, he pushed the door open and flipped on the light.

The smell was overwhelming, a putrid combination of vomit, blood, burnt flesh, faeces and urine. Dean felt like he was about to throw up, but that could wait. Instead, he breathed through his mouth and took several deep, calming breaths.

Dean rushed towards Cass - the angel had lost at least twenty-five pounds in the last nine months. Castiel's eyes were open but unregistering and Dean swore under his breath.

Dean's heart ached at the sight of his friend flinching when he came closer. Cass was sobbing and Dean didn't understand what could have caused this, the usually stoic-faced angel was convulsing in terror and whimpering like a scared child. As Dean approached the crying intensified.

"Please. D-Dean, don't k-kill me." Castiel said with a whimper of fright, his voice was wavering and he stammered every other word.

"Cass. I won't hurt you, it's me."

"You're not real." Castiel rasped, sucking in a deep breath.

Dean knelt next to Cass, not understanding that Cass believed he was hallucinating again.

There was no way that Dean would actually come and save him. Dean had said he would never save him. It must be a trick, a way for the demons to gain his trust.

Trust would only lead to more pain and inevitably death.

"I'm real, Cass."

Castiel made a sound like a cornered animal, or a rabbit stuck in the fierce glare of headlights. He curled tighter into a ball and sobbed harder, his entire body shaking as he broke down.

"Not real..."

Realising Cass wasn't going to reason with him verbally, Dean pulled the angel into a hug. It reminded him of cuddling Sammy as a child when his baby brother had a nightmare.

Only then did Castiel look up at Dean with a wounded look.

"Hush. Cass, I'm not going to hurt you." Dean had to fight his own body to keep his voice calm.

"Dean?" Comprehension was finally dawning on Cass' face.

"Cass. I'm not gonna let anyone else hurt you."

"Don't make promises you can't keep. You aren't real, Crowley will be back in the morning." Maybe Cass wasn't comprehending what was happening after all...

"I'm sorry Cass, I need to do this...its for your own good."

"What?..."

Dean accepted the needle that Bobby handed to him - the older hunter had crept in without Cass realizing.

Bobby, being Bobby, had figured that Castiel might be a mess when they arrived and had made sure they had sedatives in their duffels.

Dean injected the needle, frowning as Cass looked at him pleadingly before going limp.

Dean carried the unconscious angel out to the Impala and began checking his vitals with methodical, almost inhuman precision. If he let himself feel he would fall apart.

Sam had been waiting by the car, standing guard and his eyes widened when they laid on Cass. He was in a very, very bad way.

Once Cass was wrapped in a warm blanket but Sam, Dean began the drive back to Bobby's with Sammy riding shotgun.

Everything was going well...until it wasn't.

Cass started having violent spasms, limbs jerking and eyes rolling. Dean, looking in the rear view mirror to see what was going on, pulled the car over with a fair few choice swear words.

"Call Bobby, we are stopping at the next town. We need to sort this out, he's getting worse." Dean climbed into the back seat as Sam dialed Bobby's number and arranged for them to stop in Haven, South Dakota.

Dean settled into the backseat and shifted the fallen angel half onto his lap so that his head was cushioned until after the seizure had ended. When it was over Castiel cried out, struggled, gave up and settled down with a grunt. The stench of urine enveloped the Impala and Cass had drool running down the left side of his chin.

"You've got to hold on, Cass." Dean's voice broke when he said his friend's name.

"Dean?" Cass says, looking up at Dean in confusion.

"I'm here, Cass."

"You came back for me?"

"Yeah, pal. I did, wasn't gonna let you suffer."

"It hurts so much."

"Just hold on, please, for me. We're almost there."

Cass clung onto Dean like a drowning, but weak man would to a life saver. Dean rubbed circles onto the small of Cass' back and inwardly cringed as Castiel whimpered and struggled through the pain. This was like second nature to Dean, who had done the same thing with Sam many times...too many times.

Cass was still family, an honorary brother, even after his betrayal.

Dean had two thoughts running through his head. 'First, I'm going to handle Cass' damaged body. Both emotionally and physically. Second, I'm going to find the piece of shit who did this to Cass and tear him limb from limb.'

The demons that guarded the warehouse hadn't given him any information, being killed or smoking out before they said anything useful. The few that had talked said that all they knew was 'Alistair was still alive, he was back in hell.' Apparently Alistair had orders and was one of several responsible for Cass's torment.

Dean would find the responsible demons, even if it kills him.

Sam pulled into Haven as soon as he found a cheap motel. He went to the front desk alone so the receptionist wouldn't see Cass, Dean and Bobby's blood covered clothes and paid for two rooms on a fake credit card. There was a single room for Bobby and two queens in the second room for himself, Dean and Cass. He would share with his brother for now, it was a small price to pay for Cass' safety.

He returned with two sets of room keys and helped Dean ease Castiel out of the car. Cass was wide awake now and begging for the pain to stop. Dean knew this was bad news in itself, Cass was as fragile as glass right now and far too weak after his ordeal.

He and Sam inwardly prayed that the fallen angel could get through this.

"Come on, Cass."

Cass just about managed the twenty steps it took to get to their room. He grunted in pain with each step, but he was determined.

Dean sighed, Cass was so skinny and pale...it was...it was like watching a corpse trying to come back to life again - minus the zombie and eating brains part.

"Shit, Cass. I need to look at you."

Sam brought in a first aid kit and several bags, setting them down for Dean, who washed his hands and put gloves on to prevent infection. He knew that Cass was too far gone to handle even a cold right now.

As Dean started, he made Cass sit up and began analysing the situation properly. Castiel protested weakly but didn't put up a real fight.

Dean was disgusted by the sheer amount of torture Cass had gone through. Cass still had a fever, but Dean was more worried about Cass' lower back where a huge, gaping gash lay, continuing down beneath the line of his boxers. The flesh was purple with bruising and the wound itself was oozing and puffy.

Dean knew the wound had been made by a stun gun. It had literally burnt away Cass' flesh.

The evidence of the burred whipped was also clearly there for all to see on Castiel's back, which was brown and red due to angry patches of scabs. The gash was infected and the white stained t-shirt had become stuck to Cass' skin. Dean knew he had no choice but to remove the cloth from the wound, but it would hurt like hell. Dean injected Cass with a sedative to numb him a little, but he knew it wouldn't be enough. Not even a bottle of Ellen's finest whiskey would stop the pain.

"This is gonna hurt, Cass." Dean received no response other than Castiel curling up a little tighter.

Dean was as quick as possible, while Castiel cried out in pain. Dean managed to remove the shirt using sharp embroidery scissors, soaking the cloth and blind determination. It took all of his willpower to ignore Castiel's cries.

The wounds were some of the worst Dean had ever seen, including on corpses.

There was nothing he or Bobby could do, Cass needed a doctor.

Dean continued his examination of Cass' back and noted the criss-cross pattern where the angel had been whipped. Upon further examination, he found the hell hounds' marks.

Bruises of varying ages were noticeable and there were teeth marks and puncture wounds everywhere.

But the worst of it was Cass' wings. The feathers were broken and stuck out at odd angles, some areas of wing completely bald. The once white silk wings dwarfed Castiel's body but were now tainted crimson and matted with blood and dirt.

It made Dean feel sick.

Dean had yet to fully remove Cass' pants and he didn't let himself think about what he might find there. He just had to do it and deal with the consequences later.

Cass looked vulnerable and frightened when Dean began to remove his soiled tracksuit bottoms all the way down, Cass sobbing so heartbreakingly that Sam stole himself and sat by the angel.

Cass looked up gratefully and took Sam's proffered hand.

Eventually, Cass allowed Dean to work without protest.

Dean finally removed Cass' pants, leaving the thin, damp boxers on. He found bruising and welts where a belt had been used on Cass' inner thighs. There wasn't any major damage on the lower parts of Cass' body and Dean briefly but thoroughly checked Castiel's genitals, trying his best to let Cass cling on to what little dignity he had left.

His feet were badly scorched from being burned several months back and not being allowed to heal properly.

With a sharp knock Bobby came into the room with several plastic bags in his hands, seating himself next to Cass and Sam.

Bobby sat next to the angel and comforted him while Dean finished his examination. Bobby felt his chest ache, Cass had became one of his adopted sons and was now one of the boys he had unofficially adopted. The hunter had promised himself he wouldn't adopt another, wouldn't get emotionally involved with anyone again, but Cass had won a spot in Bobby's heart, fair and square.

"We're gonna take care of you, boy." .

It felt strange to call the angel boy when he he was technically old enough to recall the biblical events, but despite Cass' age he was innocent and child-like. He was naive and still needed guidance, and right now he needed love and care.

"What's in the bags, Bobby?"

"Baby shampoo, more soap, clothes for Cass and a few items in case we need them. I got soup, crackers and Ensure."

"Ensure?" Dean furrowed his brows in confusion.

"It's high in protein. Cass needs to gain weight." Bobby says

"Yeah, thanks, and we should get him clean."

Dean started the bath and allowed the tub to fill. Once the water was lukewarm, Dean came for Cass, who was well and truly out of it. He allowed the man to remain in his boxer shorts and helped him onto his feet. They eased into the bath room, Bobby following with the shampoo and soap.

Cass was so dirty and weak that Dean had to sponge him clean, using five flannels and a whole bar of soap. Cass whined when the soap suds caused his wounds to sting and he punched Dean weakly in the shin when the hunter rubbed his sore skin a little too hard. Dean then washed Cass' hair and wings several times before making sure Cass scrubbed his privates.

Once the man was clean Bobby bandaged and stitched the wounds.

Once that was done Dean helped Cass dress. The navy pj bottoms were extra small and fitted nicely but the t-shirt was a size too big, even after going over Cass' wings. It seemed Cass was too weak to retract them.

Of course, Cass didn't mind, appreciating the clean clothes and murmuring a quick 'thank you' when he was helped into bed.

Castiel was exhausted but he managed to eat a bit - well he opened his mouth and swallowed as Dean spooned food into it. He handled two bottles of Ensure and some crackers before Dean brushed his teeth and he was allowed to fall asleep, exhausted. The bed was much better than sleeping on the floor.

Dean watched the angel sleep, unable to do so himself. He guarded and watched over Cass all night.

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Author's Note:Once more my amazing beta helped me with a new and improved version of this chapter.


	3. Chapter 3- Baby In A Trench Coat

Eventually, Dean was able to close his eyes. Bur Castiel's scream woke him, it was low sound filled with terror. Bobby came bolting into the room with a shotgun in his hand. Sam woke up unsure where the sound was coming as he was a in a sleep daze.

Sam let Bobby into the room while Dean rushed towards Cass. Dean managed to find the fallen angle in a mess of blankets. He pulled the covers off and tried to stop Cass's thrashing. Dean spoke gently to to Cass and rubbed circles on the small of his back.

"Cass, it's not real. Just a bad dream , open your eyes.", Dean says gently

He hears and feels an angelic presence enter the room. Which only made Sam and Bobby jump., because of Castiel and Dean's more profound bond the marking had a sensation. It was just like a shiver, it was someone important to Castiel if Dean was able to detect the angle.

There stood Gabriel who joined Dean in the efforts to wake Castiel. He sang gently to Cass, a song older than any language the three had heard Castiel's breathing started to calm and stop thrashing. Gabe held him and Cass clinged to him, he looked up at his old brother with big blue eyes.

"Hey, Cass. It was just a bad dream, pal.", Gabriel says

"Sick..",Cass whispered hoarsely

"Where does it hurt Cass?", Dean asks

"Stomach.", Cass answers

"What's wrong with him?", Gabriel asks , never being sick in his entire life

"I don't know, Gabe.", Dean says

"Sick.",Cass whispers

"Are you going to throw up?", Dean questions

"Yes.", Cass whispers

Sam quickly handed the trash bin to Dean. Dean was quick to set the trash bin up and allow Cass to vomit. Cass coughed and it upset him further, throwing up made the situation worse. Dean rubbed circles on Cass's back.

"It's okay, Cass. Just let it come up.", Dean says

Cass cried, he hadn't remember vomiting before. The vile taste in his mouth, the ache in his stomach as it forced its way up. Dean tried to talk Cass's though the act of being sick. Once he was finished, he was dry heaving. Dean helped Castiel wipe his mouth and swish mouth wash.

Cass laid against the pillow, out of breath, tears streaming down his face and his face flushed. Dean placed his hand against Castiel's forehead. Cass liked the coolness of Dean's hand on his forehead. Dean had no idea what was wrong with Castiel.

"Cass, you know what's making you sick?", Dean asks

"Vile liquid Alistair gives me.", Castiel answers weakly.

"Do you know what is in it?", Dean questions

"No idea.", Castiel says hoarse

"Just hold on, find a way to make you well.",Dean says

Castiel didn't respond, he was unable to do so. His eyes's were open and reactive but Castiel couldn't speak a word. Whether he was unable to or couldn't is unknown. Something was wrong, Castiel knew that much. Dean struggle to stay calm watching his best friend's eyes droop.

Castiel's pulse was erratic and his breathing heavy. Dean couldn't just sit here and do nothing. Just as they were talking about what to do they were surrounded. Angels and Demons at the doors, with only one escape. Within seconds, Dean carried Castiel to the car. Sam and Bobby followed with Gabriel in tow. Dean didn't know what to do.

"How do we fix him, Gabriel.?", Dean asks settling Cas in the back seat and supporting him. Sam climbed into the driver and Gabriel into the passenger.

"I do not know.", Gabriel

"Can you tell me anything?", Dean pleas

"His grace is weak, like it cannot sustain within his vessel. He's dying, Dean.",Gabriel says with tears in his eyes

"No. That is not acceptable.",Dean says

"There is nothing you can do. He has to face to face death.",Gabriel

"No. Not today, he doesn't get to die today. Not after all we've been through. We survived much worse than this. The End Of Times, Famine , Death, Lucifer and Micheal's childish game, the Leviathan and we will get through this. ", Dean says

"_He's powerless, Deano._ Hate to break it to you kiddo, he's as weak as a human now.", Gabriel

"Just a baby in a trench coat, right?", Dean says

"Yeah. But he's always been a baby in a trench coat.",Gabriel says

"What do we do", Dean asks once more

"Hold onto faith, he's as human as you right now.",Gabriel says

"We'll get medical help. Surely, a doctor can help",Sam says d

"It won't help. The problem is within the core of Castiel's soul. His grace is entwined with who he is. His vessel is badly damaged ,wounds can heal but his grace cannot. It's not replaceable, the vessel is like the armor that protects Castiel and it's Castiel who is injured.", Gabriel explains

"Then what do we do?", Dean says brokenness

"I don't know.", Gabriel says

"Then summon your featherly assed friends.", Dean says

"I- I can't.", Gabriel stammers

"Why? Angel radio cut you off or somethin'.", Dean remarks

"Didn't Castiel tell you?",Gabriel remarks confused

"Tell me what?", Dean questions

"Nothing."Gabriel says nervous

"Come on, Man. You brought it up, so you need to tell us.",Dean says

"I thought you knew.", Gabriel says

"None the less.", Sam adds

Castiel shrived as his body broke out in chills. His fever still dangerously high. Dean tried effortlessly to warm Castiel. Castiel let out a low sound of pain, his eyes opened. Dean could see the pain within his friend's blue eyes. Castiel gripped tightly onto Dean and Dean knew Castiel had something to say.

"What did you do, Cas?", Dean asks

"I killed Raguel.",Castiel whispers

"An Archangel.", Gabriel adds

"Damn it, Cas.",Dean mutters

"For good reasons.",Castiel wheezes

"Why then?",Dean asks

"He wanted your head and Sam's delivered to them on a golden platter.",Castiel whispered

"Cass, someone has been busy", Dean remarks

"And then there the whole I became God thing so Crowley wants me dead.", Castiel adds

"We really should get you an angel sitter.",Dean remarks

"Not me. I already looked after Buttercup as a child.",Gabriel says

"Crowley wants to punish me and the angels want me dead. Either way I'm wanted and there's a bounty on my head.", Castiel says weakly

"We won't let them get you.", Dean says

"J...J..Just let me go. I'm dying, Dean.", Castiel says

"No, not today, Pal", Dean says


	4. Chapter 4- Welcome to the family, Cas

They drove until Castiel could no longer tolerant it. The entire drive, Cas was either in pain or getting worse. Castiel was sound asleep, Dean really didn't want to move him. Dean carried the weak angel into the room. They settled into a hotel room, warding the room from angels and demons alike.

Although what Dean didn't expected was a knock on the door. Gabriel sat next to Castiel's bed watching the angel sleep. Dean looked into the peep hole, there were three angels at the door. Dean didn't want to let them in.

"It's Angels.", Dean says

"Wait, who is out there?", Gabriel says

"I don't know. All angels are dicks.",Dean says

"Hold on.", Gabriel says looking into the peep hole

When Cas heard the knock, he woke up. He tiredly looked around the room realizing he had no idea where they were. Gabriel looked and there stood the good guys. Gabriel opened the door with his angel blade ready.

"Gabriel.", Samdriel says

"Sammy?", Gabriel remarks

"We brought back up.", Samdriel says

"Come on in.",Gabriel says

"Dean, theses are the good guys.",Gabriel says

"Boys?",Castiel remarks weakly

"Castiel.", Samdriel says with a smile

"You came even after all I've done?",Castiel says

"Of course, we're brothers.", Samdriel says

"We brought medicine.", Alexander says

"And protection", Elad explains

"Cas, this is our garrison's new doctor. His name is Gideon.",Samdriel says

"I have heard much about you.", Castiel says

"Can we trust them?",Dean asks

"Yes, Dean. I raised these three boys, took them under my wing and mentor them. As for Gideon, he is a legend. A great and talented young faith healer. I trust them.", Castiel says

"Let me look at Castiel.",Gideon says

"Go ahead.", Dean says

Gideon places his hands on Castiel and there is an exchange of light. A simple diagnostic test to find out what is going on inside of Castiel. His vessel had an of injury which Gideon could heal or sped up the healing. But the inside is what really matters.

"Oh, Castiel.", Gideon said with a sob

"What's wrong?", Dean questions

"The poison, they gave him. I cannot undo what is alright done.",Gideon says wiping the tears from his eyes

"What's in it?",Gabriel asks

"Demons blood..",Gideon says

"There must be something you can do.", Dean says

"It is beyond me.",Gideon says

"Wait.",Samdriel says

"Yes, Samdriel.",Gideon says

"What about the healing springs?", Samdriel asks

"They are a legend.",Gideon says

"It's supposed to be heaven on Earth.", Samdriel says

"Can you really believe that ?',Gideon remarks

"What is this healing springs?", Sam asks

"It's just a bed time story we were told as children.", Alexander explains

"No. It's more than just a story.", Elad says

"Hush boys. Let Samdriel speak.", Castiel says weakly

"Long ago, when the Earth was first created. God saw that man was good, there was man and women. Before man was corrupted, there was place believed to be heaven on Earth. A place of healing, where the angels sang. But it was lost when evil roamed the Earth. Hidden away, there is a garden among the desert. Someone with a heart of gold who has been tainted by evil can be healed in the water.", Samdriel says

"That sounds easy enough.", Dean says

"Wait.",Castiel says

"What is it?", Dean asks

"The part of the bedtime story, left out talks about the dangers of going looking for such a place. It's ancient holy grounds.",Castiel says

"I don't give a damn.",Dean says

"You do. Only a righteous man can enter the place. It is not easy, there are a series of tests before you can enter such a place.",Castiel says

"We will do anything to make you well again, son.",Bobby says

"You're family, Cas.", Dean says

"You're a Winchester.", Sam adds

"Make that a Singer too.",Bobby says

"I appreciate that. But great caution must be applied.",Castiel says

"Understood.", Dean says

"Can you unfold your wings so I can take a look?",Gideon asks

Castiel unfold his broken wings, the sight of them made every angel in the room cringe. Gideon dug around in his kit and clean them. The doctor was care as he started to place each feather back into place. Gideon laid hands on Castiel and spoke accident words. The vessel was no longer damanged and appeared to be new.

"His wings are badly damaged.", Gideon says

"Is there anything we find to do?", Sam asks

"His wings need special care daily. They needed cleaned delicately as for the broken bones the nectar sound help.",Gideon says

"Nectar?",Dean remarks

"Yes, it is honey with crushed rose petals. It will nourish his grace which will help his body heal. The vessel's injuries are healed but inside Castiel is injured.", Gideon says

"The springs may heal his essence.",Samdriel says

"I've done all I can do. I'm afraid we can't stay long. The garrison will be looking for us.'", Gideon says

"You can leave, Gideon. But I won't leave Castiel's side until he is well.",Samdriel says

"Same goes for me.",Elad says

"Fine.",Gideon says

"I'm not gonna get my ass kicked by Naomi.",Alexander says

"Boys, I want you to realize the choice you are making.", Castiel says

"We understand, Cas.",Elad says

"We are choosing what is right.", Samdriel adds

"So where is this healing springs?", Sam asks

"Death Valley.", Elad says

"My baby is gonna overheat.",Dean whines

"Stop being a big baby.", Bobby says

"Road trip.",Castiel says weakly

"I don't do deserts. Sorry, little brother.", Gabriel says

"That is understandable, I won't force you to go.", Castiel says

"Take care of these idiots.",Gabriel says kissing Castiel's forehead

"I try my best.",Castiel says

"Did Gabriel just call us idiots?", Dean remarks

"Well, you are a bunch of idjits. I'm glad the angels realize that too.",Bobby adds

"But you're my idiots.", Castiel adds

"Welcome to the family, Cas.", Dean says

"Does that make me an idiot too?", Castiel questions

"You're more Singer than Winchester.",Bobby says

"That's nice to know.",Castiel says

"I have a lot of questions to ask God when I get to heaven.", Dean remarks

"Such as?", Castiel remarks

"Why the hell did God put a healing springs in freakin' Death Valley?", Dean asks

"Because it's funny.",Castiel says

"I'm not finding the humor.",Dean says

"It's funnier in Enochian.", Castiel adds

"Hardy Har Har.", Dean says

"I don't understand that reference.", Castiel says


	5. Chapter 5- Flashback

"Maybe all one can do is hope to end up with the right regrets."  
― Arthur Miller

Cas had fallen asleep, his pain was reduced and his fever lower. Elad was resting comfortable on the couch, sound asleep. Sam was in the middle of researching about this heaven on Earth. Samdriel was sitting in a chair watching over Castiel.

But Dean was sitting out on the steps near their room on the end of the row. Bobby noticed a change of behavior in Dean. He worried about his boys – Sam, Dean and Cas- they seemed to be going through the same monitions. Like they could never catch a break and now Cas was terminally ill. Unless Dean – a righteous man- under went the tests.

"How about a beer?", Bobby remarks

"Sure.", Dean says

"Are you alright?", Bobby asks

"Just peachy.", Dean says

"Come on. Don't give me that bull shit.",Bobby says

"What if I can't save Cas. I can't lose him, Bobby.",Dean says

"It's Cas, we're talking about. He's strong, he'll hold on for family.", Bobby says

"What if I'm the one who can't hold on?",Dean remarks

"What are you talking about? You are the best hunter I know. You are strong, loyal and brave, boy.". Bobby says

"I could fail him.", Dean says

"Balls.", Bobby says

"I'm just a man, Bobby.", Dean says

"Did you hear what Cas said? Only a few good men can enter that place. He never said you couldn't , just that it would be dangerous.",Bobby says

"I feel so much guilt.", Dean say

"I know, son. But you can make this right.",Bobby says

"I didn't want him to come back but now he's here. And I'm willing to risk my ass for him.", Dean says

_**Flash back**_

"_**It's been months,Dean.", Sam says **_

"_**I don't give a damn.", Dean says **_

"_**No one has heard from Castiel, son. That's something to be worried about.", Bobby says**_

"_**I thought I told you we don't mention that bastard's name in this house.", Dean barks **_

_**Bobby pulled Dean by the collar of his shirt. Within seconds, Bobby held Dean against the wall and Dean struggled for a breath. Bobby had a anger in his eyes and Sam didn't blame him. Sam did nothing to prevent what ever the hell Bobby was gonna do.**_

"_**Listen to me boy, this is my house. I deserve some damn respect, so you listen. Cas did something wrong, alright. But he didn't nothing worse than what you or your father have done. You've hurt us before as Cas has. And we will find forgiveness in our hearts for him. He's family, and we don't have a lot of family . Cause, they get taken from us.", Bobby says releasing Dean**_

"_**He lied to us, Bobby. He opened **__**purgatory **__**, he betrayed us. That can't be forgotten, I can't forget what he's done.", Dean says **_

"_**Maybe not forgotten but forgiven.", Bobby remarks **_

_**Suddenly, Balthazar and Gabriel appear in the room. Gabriel looks like hell as does Balthazar. Angels might not require sleep but that doesn't mean the two weren't exhausted. A massive angel hunt had been taking place for months. And avoiding the angels wasn't easy, when you were looking for your brother. **_

"_**We need your help.",Gabriel says **_

"_**Give me one good reason why we should trust you dicks?", Dean remarks **_

"_**Shut up, Dean.", Bobby says **_

"_**What is going on? I thought you were dead.", Sam says **_

"_**Father is back, he just hasn't made his presence known.", Gabriel says **_

"_**So why do you need our help?", Dean remarks **_

"_**It's Castiel.",Balthazar **_

_**"We aren't speaking to him.", Dean interjects **_

"_**We're listening.",Sam says **_

"_**He disappeared after he died and returned to heaven. The council had summoned him to trail. But afte the second trail he disappered. No one had seen him or found him.", Gabriel says **_

"_**He's out there somewhere. We've been searching and listening for him. But it's as if he's disappeared**____**from the face of Heaven and Earth alike.", Balthazar **_

"_**We believe Crowley had imprisoned him. And we need to fine him before it's too late.".Gabriel says **_

"_**Please we ask of you, it's Castiel we're talking about. I know he screwed up, but he meant well. But power and lies convinced him to take actions he wouldn't usually. He's a good angel, but a lot of crap has happened to him.", Balthazar**_

"_**It's not often, I'd ask you idiots to help me. But he's my little brother.", Gabriel says **_

_**"Alright, we're in.", Dean says **_

_**And that's what they did. They hunted demon after demon, trying to find information. Slowly but surely they found what they needed. And pin pointed his location ,taking Crowley's minons down as they went.**_

_**There was Cas, his brokenness extending beyond his body. His innocence forcefull taken from him by his experiences. It broke Dean to see his best friend like that. It heard to hear the words, "Please don't kill me, Dean.**_

"_**I won't. I'm not here to hurt you.", Dean said**_

"_**You're not real.", Castiel said**_

_**Dean had caused Cas pain without being here. Cas's fragile mind played cruel tricks on him and Dean stared ed in many of them as the antagonist. He's the hero, not the bad guy. It made Dean wonder if that was true.**_

_**Hadn't he done more good than bad? Saved more than hurt more? Maybe that was jut a lie that Dean told himself. The truth looked coldly right back at him and Dean ached. There wasn't enough alcohol in this world to drink that pain away. **_

**_Author's_****Note-** Nothing like be up at one thirty am because you can't sleep. Dean wouldn't stop, Bobby in my head was all, "He's such an idjit." I couldn't help but write this all out. And this is what its like to be in my head. Thanks for all those reading out there. I'd like to hear from you. What do you thing? Any ideas on what gonna happen next? Cause it sounds like a awesome Winchester road trip to me. (And yes, I shall cry myself to sleep as I think about these feels and listen to Carry on my wayward son.)

Little Dean Winchester Quote for you.

"Demons I get, people are crazy."

I understand why you feel that way. I'm aware that I'm crazy.


	6. Chapter 6 - They Ain't Got Nothing On Us

"When everything goes to hell, the people who stand by you without flinching — they are your family."**-Jim Butcher**

Several days had passed, Sam was researching this healing springs and biblical references. Dean was nursing Cas back to health with nectar and ensure. Elad kept guard and an ear out, trying to keep them one step ahead of the rest. Samandriel offered a grace transfusion which was like a blood transfusion, to help keep Cas better.

And it seemed that Castiel was a little better. His fever was no more and the way he felt was like a mild flu. He was achy and weakened but he sat up with the assistance of pillows. He spent many hours sleeping, not something angels did.

But he was still deathly were treating underlying problems, unable to treat the disease. Dean was prepared to undergo the journey if it might keeping Cas alive. He wanted his best friend to walk away from this.

Sure, Cas made some mistakes but no one deserves hell. Not like this, not after all he's been through. Dean has to make this right, he felt that he had to. After his negative thoughts towards his angel friend, he felt the need to. Sam knew Dean was driving himself nuts.

"How are you feeling Cas?", Dean asks

"A little better.",Castiel answered weakly

"Any pain?",Dean asks

"I'm a little achy.",Castiel says

"How bad?",Dean asks

"A two.",Castiel says

"Alright, pal if it gets worse let me know.", Dean says

This had become their new normal, a round of questions often. It didn't seem fair for Castiel's hell to go beyond since his rescue. The after effects were just as damaging and gave the weak angel no rest. Dean vowed that he would kill those who were responsible.

Cas laid there and Dean joined him, laying next to him. Samandriel was exhausted, sound asleep in the chair next to him. A grace transfusion was exhausting, even if he only gave a tiny bit. Samandriel's body could replenish the small amounts they took.

Sam was out on a run with Bobby to get more suppiles. Caring for Cas requiredsupplies that was for sure. But those Winchesters and Singer were willing to do anything for their angel friend. Dean could see the effects of illness that had on Castiel's body. Still even after Gideon's healing, Cas still looked too ill to be healthy.

"Why are you doing this?",Castiel asks

"'Cause you're my friend, Cas.", Dean says

"I don't deserve any of this.",Castiel says

"It's not a matterof whether you deserve it or not. I didn't deserve to be saved yet you saved me the darkest pits of hell, Cas. You gave me a chance to make things right. I'm giving you a chance to make things right.",Dean says

"You realize this journey might get you killed.",Castiel says

"What is my alternative, losing you? Cas, I can't lose you. You're family, I've lost Sam more times than I can count. I hate that you know. I have a chance to prevent your death for now.", Dean says

"Why risk everything for one person?",Castiel asks

"I'm the kind who'drather go down swing. If I die then I can live with that. But in the mean time , I'm gonna try like hell to make you better again. I want you to be an angelic pain in my ass, again.", Dean says

"It's dangerous.", Castiel says

"I've done stupid things before, Cas. Danger is my middle name.",Dean says

"I thought it was Matthew.",Castiel says confused

"Look that isn't the point. You're a Winchester which means we haul ass to California and we try our damnedest to make you healthy.",Dean says

"Promise me something.", Castiel says weakly

"Depends on whether or not I can keep that promise, pal.", Dean replies

"Tell my Father, I was a man. For just a moment, it wasn't about the war or my mistakes. That I fought, I fought for what Ithought was right. I might have been wrong but at least I tried. That I'm sorry for being a good soldier and then turning around leading my own into the wrong war.", Castiel says

"You aren't going to die.",Dean says

"Dean, angels don't go to heaven or hell. Those are reserved for human souls. Heaven is the equal to Earth as your temporary home._No, angel_ that has died has returned to heaven. I do not know where we go. Or if there is a place for angels to rest eternally. Essentially wehave life eternal so it would be redundant for a fine resting place.", Castiel says

"Oh, Cas.", Dean says wiping the tears from his eyes

"It's true, Dean. I'm dying, I feel me dying. Not my vessel, but my very being.",Castiel says

"You don't get to die. Not today, not after all we've been through.", Dean says his voice broken

"Do you thing you survive the journey? No man known to angel kind has survived the journey. Few noble men have tried but failed.",Castiel says

"There's a difference between me and them.", Dean says

"And what's that?", Castiel asks

"Well, Cassanova. _I'm a Winchester_, we aren't ones to admit defeat.", Dean says

"What does that have to do with anything?", Castiel asks cocking his head

"It ain't over till the fat lady sings.",Dean adds

"I do not understand that reference.", Castiel says

"It means don't assume you know the outcome.", Dean says

"Oh, I understand now.", Castiel says

"You need more cultural in your life, Cas.",Dean says

"How do I do that?", Castiel asks

"Never mind.", Dean says

Castiel gives Dean a sad smile with tears in his eyes. Cas was starting to realize how much those Winchesters and Singer cared for him. Enough to risk their own lives, he learned that much. That really meant something to the angel.

"You Winchesters never cease to surprise me.", Castiel adds wiping the tears from his eyes

"Now why's that?", Dean asks

"You are unafraid of death, you laugh in its face. You've done many stupid things, and this is definitely on the list. You've sold your soul before, kiddo. Now that's something, but go searching for heaven on Earth with a sick angel. That's a new one.",Castiel says

"Well, yeah. Family comes first, Cas. And you're one of us.", Dean says

"I'm so broken, Dean.", Castiel admits

"With family, all brokenness can be healed, Cas.", Dean says

"Well, I'm a Winchester after all. May some how I'll be alright., Castiel says

"And a Singer.",Dean says

"I'm a Winchester and a Singer.", Castiel agrees

"God helps us all. You're gonna be a stubborn son of a gun.",Dean says with a laughter

"Amen.", Castiel jokes


	7. Chapter 7 - Made New

Castiel was fading fast despite all efforts to keep him stronger. Dean felt ready for the roadtrip, when though Sam wasn't sure. Sam wanted to be sure before hitting the road. That morning, Dean got up earlier than usally.

He packed the impala with supplies that they would need. Making sure that Cas would be comfortable was also an importance. Packing clothes of both himself and Castiel was a given. Once he made sure that baby was tuned for the road trip, he was ready to hit the road.

Sam woke when he heard stiring and Dean had been caught. The two angels respected that this is a journey for Cas and Dean alone.

"Where do you think you're going?",Sam asks

"Hitting the road, Sammy.",Dean says

"I thought we talked about this.", Sam says

"Nope. It's a dictatorship, Cas and I have to do this alone.",Dean says

"It's not safe for you to be on the road by yourself.", Sam says

"Let him go,son.", Bobby says tiredly

"We are the only two who can pass.",Dean says

"I don't like.",Sam says

"Deal with it , buttercup.",Dean says

"I'm sorry, Sam. But Dean's right.", Castiel says weakly

"Fine, but take care of this idiot.",Sam says

"Promise.", Castiel says

And with that goodbyes were said. The two climbed into the impala, Cas in passenger and Dean behind the wheel of his baby. Dean put the radio on and jammed his casset into the player. Cas slept the entire eight hour drive to Roswell, New Mexico.

Castiel was out of it most of the time. He only was awake twice and Dean made him eat. Castiel moved from the impala to the motel bed where he passed out after eating. Once more they woke early made the drove to Los Vegas.

They stayed the night in Vegas and Castiel seemed a little better. May be it was knowing they'd be in Badwater tomorrow. Dean couldn't wait to make Cas feel better. He wanted to bicker and have small talk on the drive home. It was hard to just watch this, Cas was family. He suffered through hell and it hadn't stopped.

Cas was a an angel of the Lord, a creature meant for the heavens not he deepest pits of was so pale and sick, it made Dean impatient to get there. If it had been Sammy and him, they'd haul ass all night to get there. But this was Cas, who was sick and dying. Dean knew that they broke down the hours for his comforter.

They left at eight and arrived in Bad Water around eleven o'clock. There was no point in going to the desert in the day time. The heat was unbearable, it would be much more bearable in the day time. Dean made Cas eat and then Cas went back to sleep.

Dean watched Cas with a careful eyes as he looked over a car mag. Hours passed and the sun had gone down. Cas looked well rested and Dean was ready to get this over with. He wasn't a patient man with a sick friend. He just wanted to get this over with.

"Why the hell did God put a healing springs in a place called Bad Water?",Dean asks

"He thinks it funny.", Castiel says with a laugh

"In the freakin' desert?",Dean remarks

"It's funnier in Enochian.", Castiel adds

"Why's that?", Dean says

"It translates to Eden Among The Desert.", Castiel laughs

"Freakin' fantastic, Cas.", Dean grunts

"I take it you don't find Father funny.", Castiel says

"He's got a wicked sense of humor.", Dean says

"Any questions about this healing water?", Castiel adds

"What's the trials?", Dean asks

"We prepare an altar and pray.", Castiel asks

"Very biblical.", Dean adds

"Repentance.", Castiel says

"Okay.",Dean says

"Fasting.", Castiel says

"Sounds easy enough.", Dean says

"Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective." James 5:16", Castiel says

"What?" ,Dean asks

"The first is the prayers of of a righteous person, confession. Part of penance and repentance.", Castiel says

"And in order to receive enough grace for the journey, you must be an angel for the day. A journey to holy lands includes a pure soul, righteousness, faith and grace. ", Castiel explains

"Not as easy.", Dean says

"Correct.",Castiel adds

"Where do we start?",Dean aks

"Altar.", Castiel says

"Fun.", Dean says

Castiel prepared the altar and lit several candles. He sat in prayer for many hours with Dean at his side. The angel meditated and focused positive energy on the mission. Dean tried to pray as well but found himself not nearly as spiritual in tune as Cas.

When Dean felt something within his chest, he gasped. He got Cas's attention and Cas knew what was happening. Dean was being made clean so that he may be worth to cross the thresholds of heaven on Earth. Something flowed in his veins and the first of many was complete.

Castiel took Dean to the church were he sat in sinner's prayer. Dean confessed before the Lord, his sins and felt something in heart confess what he had done. He asked for forgiveness and felt once more the energy through his veins. His soul was in the process of being cleaned, something that started to remove the 40 years of scars from hell.

It was hard for Dean not to eat. They spent several hours in prayer and fast. Dean couldn't understand why this why considered religious. But he was willing to do so for Cas. That and Cas promised pie tomorrow. A promise that Cas indeed kept.

When the first part was finally complete, Dean celebrated with pie. Together they rested for when the evening came, the journey began. Before they could pass, Dean had to be an angel of the Lord for a day. Then, They would go off into the desert looking for a healing springs among the desert. Death Valley to be exact, a place Dean wasn't thrilled to go amucking in desert at night.


	8. Chapter 8- Hey Jude

"Repentance was never yet produced in any man's heart apart from the grace of God. As soon may you expect the leopard to regret the blood with which its fangs are moistened,—as soon might you expect the lion of the wood to abjure his cruel tyranny over the feeble beasts of the plain, as expect the sinner to make any confession, or offer any repentance that shall be accepted of God, unless grace shall first renew the heart."  
― Charles H. Spurgeon

That night Dean slept very little as he watched over Castiel. He worried about his friend, even though there was improvement today. It wasn't enough and Castiel exhausted himself. He knew when the morning came he had a challenge ahead of him.

But he knew one thing, he would move heaven and hell for Cas. This was a promise said in the middle of the night. Words said from the heart, Dean would be too embarrassed to say if Cas was awake. Dean just wasn't good with words or expressing his feelings.

He didn't do that as a kid and as an adult the habit stuck. It wasn't until John Winchester had died had Dean been set free. He found he didn't have to the hunter his father wanted him to be. But the man he wanted to me.

Maybe when he looked at himself, he wanted to be the righteous man of Faith. The one Castiel had believed in for so long. Now and again, he'd find Castiel looking at him. Watching him from the corner of his eyes.

And there's hope in the angel's eyes. Like even when all else is lost, he believes Dean can do something. Dean doesn't have to solve the world's problems. Just be brave enough to stand up for what is right. That is the man that Dean Matthew Winchester wants to be.

He feels love and forgiveness in his heart. He knew he was being made clean. He was so afraid that being in hell had change him. After all he was the righteous man who shed blood in heaven. Forty year he had tortured and killed.

It had been as if he lost the core of his being. The part that made him human and it made him shudder in fear. That he had been the kind of monster he'd hunt. But he knew that no of that matter anymore. He was forgiven. Castiel bared a mark of faith on his shoulder.

In his moment of weakness, Cas reached out. He was a stranger and Castiel called him by name. He gripped him tight and raised him from perdition. Now Dean was returning the favor for Cas the one who saved him. He was gripping Castiel tight and giving him hope to move forward.

Dean smiled as his friend slept. He realized he understood why Cas felt urged to watch him sleep. While it was a little weird, it meant Cas wanted him to rest so he could fight the battle. Being a hunter meant being a soldier in a larger war.

Dean fell asleep an as he slept his body changed. Not only had his soul was being cleansed but a transformations underwent. He was being made an angel temporarily. Since Castiel was ill, he would fill in.

Eventually the morning came and Dean knew what awaited him. Castiel had summoned Elad and Samanriel to help Dean with getting to heaven. He would need guidance and Samandriel volunteered to educate Dean.

Castiel smiled weakly as Dean itched his back and pure white wings unfolded. It shocked Dean at first and then realized what they were. And he had beautiful silky white wings. Dean whispered something to Cas which made him laugh.

"We better get going, Dean.",Samandriel says

"You take care of him, Elad. OR I promise I will hunt your angel ass down.",Dean growls

"Understood, sir.",Elad says

"Better be.", Dean says

Dean and Samandriel walked towards the impala. Samandriel nodded it was okay to climb into the car and they did. Dean wasn't sure what this angel winged adventure would include. Samandriel cleared his throat and prepared to speak.

"Well, you have to go good to earn your angel grace.",Samandriel says awkwardly

"How do I do that?",Dean asks

"There's a man. His name is Jacob Yates, he has been praying. You could sit with him.",Samdriel answers

"Okay.",Dean says

"He has cancer and there is no one else. He has no family.",Samandriel says

Samandriel and Dean stepped out of the car. Samandriel whispered into Dean's ear and he nodded. Dean flew with Samandriel to the hospital. Samandriel told him where to find Jacob and to go to him. Dean walked down the hall and found the room.

There laid a man, thin and frail. Jacob had an oxygen mask over his face and his chest raised slowly. Dean took a seat, there was something that made him reach out. The beeps filled the room and that was all in the silence. Dean held Jacob's hand and a tear rolled down the sick man's face.

"You came.",Jacob says

"Yes, I did.",Dean says

"The angels have been singing to me.",Jacob says

"That must be a comfort.",Dean says with a gentle smile

"I saw visions. I knew you would come. A righteous man seeking healing for a man with a heart of gold.",Jacob says

"Yes, my friend is very sick.",Dean says

"I hope you can help him.",Jacob says

"Aren't you afraid?",Dean asks

"Of dying? No, son. If the good Lord took care of me in this life, He'll take care of me in the next.",Jacob answers

"I never thought about it like that.",Dean says

"Have faith, son. Faith gives you the strength to go on.",Jacob says

Dean sat there and listened to the dying man's stories of a life once lived. And the two men sat there for hours. The beeps grew slower in-between and Jacob's breathers further apart. As Jacob became afraid during the end, Dean held his hand and wipes his tears.

"Thank you, Dean.",Jacob whispered

"No problem, pal.",Dean says

"I had no one and you didn't know me. You gave from the kindness of your heart.",Jacob says

Dean sang to him the song his mother had sang to him. He sang "Hey Jude" to a dying man and Jacob coughed and struggled. Jacob wheezed and the last breath came. Dean just held onto to him and he felt the life slip out of Jacob. The blue light danced into heaven and Dean smile softly.

Hey Jude, don't make it bad  
Take a sad song and make it better  
Remember to let her into your heart  
Then you can start to make it better

Dean sat there in the silence, the team of doctors and nurses came through. They unhooked Jacob and took him away. Hours passed and Dean sat there in the silence of the room. He came to realize that what Castiel did as an angel wasn't always easy.

That he must care for Dean. It wasn't always raising a righteous man from hell but sometimes something as simple as being there. What Dean had done was out of kindness, he didn't have to hold Jacob's hand or wipe his tears.

But he did because it helped Jacob in his final hours. The song and presence calmed Jacob. Little did Dean know that the essence of grace given to help helped comfort the man as well. There was an extension of grace that helped.

Samndriel came into the room and he knew how hard that must have been. But he smiled gently and patted Dean on the shoulder. Dean earned the amount of grace needed to be a righteous to pass. And Castiel could be helped.

"You did it, Dean.",Samandriel says

Author's Note: School starts in two weeks, I won't be able to update every day. Some weeks I might be able to but not always. So I will update twice a week during that time. There might be more times, it will just depend. Sometimes I might not be able to update until the weekend or later in the week. And vise visa, just be patient and aware.

Mondays and Thursday For:All Roads Lead Home

Tuesdays and Fridays For :How To Save A Life

And it is currently unknown For: The Endless Road as it's a short story so I'm not sure how long it will be yet.


	9. Chapter 9- Angel Wings

Dean returned to Castiel's side, he was excited for once they had it easy. For once there had been nothing to stop them. Maybe Mom had been right, there were angels looks out for him. He knew he had Castiel. Someone he wasn't going to let slip out of his hands.

Samandriel and Elad smiled know the man before them had been transformed. A righteous man who shed blood in hell was being made new. There was love in his heart, his heart beat with excitement and his head held new knowledge.

"I did, Cas.",Dean celebrated with tears in his eyes.

"I knew you could.", Castiel exclaimed hoarsely.

"I'm different now.",Dean expressed

Castiel says nothing as he weakly embraced Dean. He tiredly holds onto Dean and closes his eyes. There was a soft whisperer and Dean understood. The time had come and the secret had been muttered. Dean knew how to help Cas and he was ready.

Dean held Castiel in his arms and Cas limply held on. Cas had grown beyond weakened to the point he could no longer walk. It was early evening when Dean arrived, earlier enough to journey for the healing springs. Dean settled Castiel into the passenger seat of the impala and slide behind the wheel of the impala.

They drove to the lowest Sea level maker and parked the car. Once more, Dean carried Cas and he navigated the desert. He walked into the darkness a flashlight gave them light. Following a path he soon found the opening. Like Cas had described it was something out of the corner of your eye that caught your eye.

He entered the opening which lead him to a thick plentiful garden. There was a feeling like a chill and you knew you were standing on holy grounds. Down a path was a healing springs. Dean found himself drawn to that spot and carried Castiel there.

He carried the angel into the water and there was a flow of healing. An energy flowed into Cas and _his body was being made new again. Not the body of his vessel but the very essence of Cas._ The part of him tainted in hell, he was being cleansed much like Dean had. His grace was abundantly being return to Cas. Castiel let out a breath, something in him awoke and was made whole.

What Crowley had done was tear at the angel make him battered and bruised. But physically and emotionally, now Castiel could recover. There would be no physical remains of hell but emotionally there might be. Together they would heal and find peace. Dean would tear Crowley limb for limb, he hadn't forgotten the damage down to his best friend. Nor would he forget long after Crowley was suffering.

Dean smiled in awe when Castiel's wings opened. He admire the silky black wings with blue tips. The wings themselves were the same shade as his hair. They were being made new and healing. Restore to their original beauty.

Castiel's eyes opened and a light returned to the water. His wings opened and wrapped themselves around the angel protective. Cas didn't saw anything just let out a groan as he was forced from his sleep. He tiredly looked up a Dean.

"Thank you.",Castiel spoke in a low and gravely voice.

"No problem.",Dean gently added

Dean nodded and the angel went back to sleep. He rested his head on Dean's chest and Dean knew the angel must be exhausted. He had been through a lot lately and he need to reset. For a day would come when Cas would be haunted by the past. Dean knew that Castiel still needed to heal. Maybe he wasn't dying but he still needed to recover.

And Dean wouldn't rest until Crowley was punished. He would be sure of the revenge to come for the King Of Hell. Cas snored softly and Dean laid him in the passenger seat. He drove them back to the hotel where he parked and then carried Cas back to the room.

He slipped the angel's shoes and laid them to the side. He stripped Cas to just his boxers and a t-shirt. And Dean was sure to cover the angel. Dean wouldn't admit it out loud but Cas looked adorable. He was curled up in a nest of blankets with his wings protectively wrapped around him.

Cas was too tired to dream let alone have night mares at this point. Dean let the angel sleep in and Castiel woke around noon.

You wanna eat, Cas?",Dean asks

"Yes.",Castiel agreed

"Get dressed and we'll grab something to eat.",Dean smiled softy Castiel quickly dressed into what he normal wore. The two men walked side by side to a little cafe across the street. They settle into a booth, sitting across from each other. Angels don't need to eat but angels who lost so much weight do.

A waitress named "Kate" took their orders. She was 5'5, long blond hair and had brown eyes. She had average sized breast and curves. She flirted with Dean but Dean wasn't that interest. He really wanted his pie. Besides, Castiel was the more important person in his life.

"Any where you want to stop before we head back?",Dean poses

"Yeah. The beach.",Castiel smiles at the memory.

"Why? Is there importance?",Dean asks

"Gabriel took me to the beach when I was a child. Mind you it was very different, but non the less.", Castiel explained fondly

"We'll go to the beach, Cas.",Dean declared

Cas ate a slice of cherry pie and drank a cup of coffee. Dean ate a burger, fries and a slice of pie as well. Each male deserved a nice meal after dealing with this nightmare, that seems to be coming to an end.

Dean paid out and they walked back to the hotel. And it was a real shame that the waitress, Kate. She was a demon, she showed her beady black eyes and followed the boys. Dean was quick with the knife and killed her.

Author's Note: I'm sorry if you read this before I fixed the spacing. I didn't realize there was an issue with it. All fixed now.


	10. Chapter 10- He's Not Okay

Dean and Castiel returned to the motel, Dean knew that if there was a demon in town they should leave. He didn't care if that Kate was dead, he didn't want to be detected. While, Castiel was physically healed. Dean worried that Cas didn't have it all together yet.

Dean didn't expect Cas to have it all together yet though. Nine months in hell is equal to ninety years. He knew what ever the hell they did to Cas must be fresh in his mind. Castiel is the type that doesn't want to express his feelings. He wants to hide them and act stoic. Angels were taught emotions were weakness.

"So a trip to the beach, Cassie?",Dean remarks while packing his duffel of belongings

"Yes. I would like to go to the beach.",Castiel smiles softly sitting on his bed and watching Dean carefully. He liked being in Dean's presence it made him feel safe. He needed security and comfort after the way he was treated.

"Alright. Anything we need?",Dean poses

"We have to bring a picnic.",Castiel adds

"Let's go to the store once we get there.",Dean declared

"We have to get in the car first, Dean.",Castiel deadpans

"I know.",Dean stated

Dean finished packing his belongings before packing Cas's stuff. Castiel tried to help but while he was distracted Dean did it neatly. Once they were packed, Dean put everything into the impala. They checked out and climbed into the car.

Dean drove out of the town of Bad Water and he it was a five hour drive to San Diego. Castiel fell asleep while Dean drove. He was glad the angel was catching up on the much needed sleep. Sleep helps the body heal.

Dean turned up the radio and Cas slept. With his fingers drumming on the steering wheel he drove. He heard his ring and turned down the radio. Dean was bit disappointed when he missed singing "Wanted Dead Or Alive" came on.

"Hello.",Dean whispers

"Why are you whispering, you idgit?",Bobby questions

"Cas is asleep.",Dean explains

"How is he?",Bobby inquires

"I don't know, Bobby. ",Dean admits scared out of his mind. There was things he could handle no problem. But this was different, this was Cas we're talking about. He's delicate, a creature born of grace and tainted by hell. No matter how hard he was "scrubbed" clean, it would effect him emotionally.

"I take it things are okay then.",Bobby declares

"We're on the run. Had a run in with a demon but we skipped down as soon as we ganked her.",Dean mentioned causally not wanting to worry Bobby.

"Then you're heading back then.",Bobby voices

"Nope. I think it'd be best for Cas to just take it easy. No Heaven, No Hell and No Winchester.",Dean states

"Stupid boy. Get your ass back home.",Bobby demands

"I'm taking a vacation. You know what I deserve a vacation. I have never gone a vacation before. It must be nice.",Dean decided with a smirk.

"I will hunt your ass down and I will find you, son.",Bobby growls unamused by Dean's childish antics. Hunters don't take vacations, there's is work to be done.

"I know, Bobby. I promise we'll be home in a few days .Let me take Cas to the beach.",Dean adds

"Fine, boy. But if you get in trouble call.",Bobby grumbles

"Alright, bye."

"Bye. Take care of yourself, Deano."

But that was the thing that Dean realized. He didn't want to run any more. He was tired of this and being hunted by supernatural things. He was tired of hearing his father's voice He was sick of all this crap.

For a moment, he was taken back to being a boy. It was 1990 now, seven years after their apple pie life ended. And Dean wasn't an adult anymore. Dean found this strange and then he saw Gabriel wink. Gabriel wanted to prove a point and Dean sighted.

"Work with me, kiddo."

"What about Cas? I was driving."

"Don't worry about ,Buttercup. Elad and Samandriel are with him."

"The Angels have my impala." Dean groans

"Deal with it, princess."

"Is this a nightmare or a dream?"

"Listen, Deano. I don't like this anymore than you do."

"Then let me go."

"Can't do that. Boss Man says I'm your guardian angel now."

"What the hell?"

"I believe it would be heaven's doing."

"Damnit. Why would I need an another angel? I have Cas."

"Cas isn't any help to you. No, he's the one we're trying to save."

"Save him? Why? Then go into his head.

"No can do, orders."

"You aren't the type to take orders."

"Father's home, Dean. I take orders."

"Explain everything to me."

"You don't want to be a solider anymore. Just give in and let the monsters win. Castiel needs you to fight a battle that he can't fight anymore."\

And Gabriel disappeared. For a moment, just a moment, Dean was back in 1990. He prayed that Gabriel got his feathered ass back here. He sighted when he got nothing and gave in to Gabriel's childish game.

Flashback

1990 Fort Douglas, Wisconsin

Dean Winchester was twelve years old and Sammy was eight. John had been hunting a Shtriga and two weeks ago it attacked Sam. Sam was on the mend, just discharged from the hospital. The attack left the youngest Winchester ill with pneumonia

Sam was still weakened and John was extra careful with the boy's weak immune system. Dean felt so guilt for not killing the creature that night. He should have, he hesitated and it could have cost him Sammy. Sammy was the only family the middle Winchester had.

It was obvious that John cared about his boys. But his vengeance on the demon that killed Mary was becoming obsessive. John never should have left the boys alone. That was his mistake and he could have lost his sons.

Now John packed the bags and carried them to the car. Sam was in the motel room, sleeping while Dean stood against the impala. John need to have a talk with Dean anyways. It a man to man chat, John needed to do what was best for both boys.

"I'm gonna leave you boys with Pastor Jim.",John announced

"That's so unfair. Just gonna leave Sammy and I again.", Dean exclaimed firmly against John's plan. He understood the hunter's life but for crying out loud, they needed their father. But their father is to damn busy fighting monsters.

"It's for the best."

"I don't care. You're our father. Sammy need you." ,Dean fought. When Dean said that Sammy needed Dad, he meant that he also needed his father. But Dean couldn't admit that, John would call him a wimp. Tell him to man up and deal with it.

"Damn it, Dean. Whether you like it or not. This is our life."

"We have a choice, Dad."

"No we don't, kiddo. It's fighting or die."

"You're wrong."

"You can take care of yourself. And Sammy's got you."

"Dad. We need you."

"I know, kiddo. But I can't take care of you. Not the way you need to be cared for."

"I still don't like it."

"Come on, get in. Pastor Jim's a good man."

Dean grumbles and climbs into the front seat. He turns on the radio and waits for his father to return.

Flashback ends.

Dean felt the same emotions he felt then and relived them. Gabriel returned stood with Dean. Dean looked back at the archangel unsure what the point of this was. And Gabriel was ready to explain.

"Whether you realize it or not. You were fighting for what you thought was right. You hesitated but you never gave up. Think about what you've done for Sam when he needed you."

"What is going on with Cas?"

"I don't know, Deano. I do know that while his body and soul are healed. I know that Castiel is not alright."

"I saved him, he's gonna be alright."

"No, Dean. Something big is going to happen. I have no clue what. But Cas is slipping away. You are the only one who can pick up the pieces again."

"It would help if I knew what was going on."

"I don't know. But I do know, that you can help him."

"Gabriel, help a man out."

"If I knew, I'd say so. But I don't. Take care of Buttercup for me.

With that Gabriel disappeared and Dean was back in the impala. He drove and watched over Cas worriedly. There were three things running though Dean's head. "I hope he'll be alright. I wish God would give me a break. And I'm gonna kill Crowley.


	11. Chapter 11- This Means War

Every man has his own destiny: the only imperative is to follow it, to accept it, no matter where it leads him. **-Henry Miller**

They arrived in San Diego and Dean pulled into a nicer hotel. It was just one time, and it was near the ocean. The view pleased Cas and they found their room with ease. Castiel was content reading a book and Dean just watched him.

Tomorrow they would go to the beach, for now they would relax. Dean smiled watching Cas with a careful eye. It was hard to believe that something beyond his control would take place and all he could do is watch.

They tried so hard to avoid the bleak future Dean had been thrust into. He tried so hard to prevent Cas was turning into a mess. Most of all, he fought against heaven, hell and fate itself. Angels, Demons and leviathans alike. And they lost people they cared for. Did they die in vain?

All this running and fighting, with no rest. Just to end up with the crappy hand that fate dealt the fallen angel. It didn't seem fair that someone who was as sweet as Cas would suffer. Castiel had his innocence taken from him. It was forcefully taken from him and Dean blamed himself.

It started when Castiel was raised Dean Winchester from perdition. One cry for help, a prayer answer and it set off a chain of events. Now, Dean had to sit back with the knowledge Gabriel delivered.`Every bone in Dean's tired body said to fight.

But how could you fight the will of God? The very idea that God would allow his own to carry out this fate hurt. He couldn't quite grasp why this was necessary. He didn't seem to care about the overall motive to God's seemingly perfect plan.

And then Gabriel froze the moment. He leaned against the wall and Dean glared at him. Dean was really getting sick of the archangel. He just wanted to enjoy his time with Cas. The same Cas that was slipping away from him.

"This is not Gods will."

"Then why is it happening?"

"He is falling from Grace, Deano."

"So why is he slipping away?

"God's will has been fulfilled. This is not his work. It reeks of evil and that's why I'm here."

"Someone better tell me what the hell is going on."

"Hell's got an insight. It seems that they have Kevin."

"That can't be right. Sammy check on him last week. We'd know if something was up."

"There has been a tablet uncovered. It's powerful and it brings pestilence."

"Couldn't give me a break, God.", Dean shouts towards heaven

"The tablet, God confirms is one of the most powerful ones."

"What do I need to know?"

"His body and grace are healed. There is nothing physically wrong with him."

"Explain to me what the hell is happening."

"He's losing faith."

"How do I fix that?"

"Nothing. He's decided to be human like. His experiences taint him."

"So I just wait it out. Til something happens."

"Just take care of Buttercup for me."

With that Gabriel disappears and the world around them resumes. The two- hunter and angel- went out for a nice meal. Savoring lobster, a rare treat for both. Cas and Dean return happily stuffed making them sleepy.

Although, Cas fought against night terrors as he slept. He awoke many times in the night and sat wide awake for several hours. It was an off and on cycle. They ate downstairs for breakfast and laid around. Before lunch, Dean declared they would go to the store.

Dressed in their swim suits the two men went shopping. Cas happily pushed the cart while Dean crossed items off their list. Once, they had sandwich stuff, pie and drinks. They checked out and Cas packed their basket.

The two headed of to the beach where Castiel was child like again. There was so much energy in him and it made Dean laugh. Cas ran into the water and splashed Dean. Dean in returned splashed right back.

They laughed and were soaking wet when they stopped to eat lunch. There was a grin on Cas's face as he talked happily to Dean. Dean smiled and comment once in a while. But he wore a mask, a stoic mask of a solider.

He knew that Castiel was falling apart and he would lose the man. He vowed that he would fight, not in heaven's name or hell's. Not for anyone but in Cas's name. The righteous man who shed blood in hell would fight for his angel. This was promise he would keep.

"How are you feeling, Cas?"

"Okay I guess."

"Hearing anything on angel radio?

"Nope."

"Surely, they chatter away."

"I'm sure they do."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"I cut ties with heaven."

"Why?"

"I...I...I can't go back."

"Cas. Talk to me."

"If I returned to heaven, I fear I might just kill myself."

"If you ever having those feelings. Come talk to me, find me, wake me up, call me."

"I know, Dean."

"I can't lose you, Cas. You're my best friend."

Castiel didn't say anything as he sat there with Dean. Dean for once hugged Castiel and held him tight. With the fear that Castiel would slip out of his fingers, he held on. And Cas's warm salt tears stained his shirt. Dean rubbed circles on Cas's back and hummed "Hey Jude."

There was no fear of "chick flick" moments. All that matter was for here and now, Cas was safe. Maybe Dean couldn't foresee the future. But he knew what ever it took to find the Cas he knew and loved like a brother.

The time ticked away, soon they would face the cold reality of what is to come. A hunter fighting against hell's destruction. While a fallen angel slips into the cold hard life he's turning to. The truth was they were soldiers.

Dean was soldier fighting on for the sake of Cas. And Castiel was the veteran slipping away. You either fight or die. Castiel would rather die than face conflict and heaven again. His actions caused downfalls to heaven, something he felt guilt for.

The kind of guilt that is acidic and eats away at you. A gnawing pain that feels you hallow and burns in its path. And Dean is reminded of his guilt every day. With Castiel's mark on his shoulder baring prove of his salvation. That very salvation was Cas's damnation.


	12. Chapter 12 Righteous Man

Dean's feet hit the floor in the morning and he was up. He noticed something was up and there was no lump in Cass's bed, just a neatly made bed. When Dean woke that morning, Castiel was no where to be found. Another pressing issues was when did Cass learn to make a bed?

Dean's eyes were wide open as he quickly dressed and he looked every where. He torn up the town looking for Castiel but the angel was no where to be found. Great, Castiel is gone and the bastards have Kevin. This is gonna look real great for Dean.

Dean sighted and dialed the number for Bobby. Bobby's gruffle voice answered and Dean knew he'd be pissed. Great, he lost the angel and the prophet. He's gonna score big in heaven with the Father. And Bobby won't be real happy either.

"Hello,boyo."

"Yeah, Bobby we've got a problem."

"What would that be?"

"Castiel ran away and the demons have Kevin."

"Balls."

"We've got a couple problems."

"Get your ass home, son."

"Yes, sir."

"And Dean, drive safe, boy."

"Always."

"Bye."

"Bye, Bobby."

He quickly packed his bag, he knew he could make Bobby's in a day and half drive. He was determined to make it back. He slipped behind the wheel of the car and made it to Rosewell, a ten hour drive. He stopped for gas, pie and coffee.

He filled up his baby before stopping at a little dinner. This town gave him the creeps, all alien themed and famous for the crash site of what was believed to be an alien ship. As a hunter, he knew better than to second guess unless he checked it out . And he had no desire to check this out.

He took a seat near the rear exit for an easy escape route if needed. He gave the place a once over checking out the people. He couldn't be too careful in a place like this. After all, he could be considered a fugitive after aiding the escape of Castiel.

Not to mention he ensured the wanted angel was healed and nursed back to health. As far as he was concerned he was wanted dead or alive. He knew Cass had a bounty on his head, he wouldn't be surprised if there was one on his own head. The Righteous man who survived the holiest of holies. None of angel kind had seen a man walk away unscathed. Most men found their death, even the noblest of men.

He ate his burger and fries with a coke. He was suspicious of the waitress, it didn't matter angel or demon. Either caused unwanted problems and he'd hate to have to gank something before eating dinner. He kept a watchful eye and finished with a slice of cherry pie. And a cup of coffee.

He paid for his meal and got the hell out of there. Of course, after the incident with Kate the flirtatious demon he carried weapons. Even more weapons than usually, he wore a jacket with deeper and more pockets.

There was still daylight and Dean wasn't tired. He could sleep when he was at Bobby's. The importance now was rescuing Kevin and finding out what those pesky demons are up to. But there was something he needed to do.

He walked down to the chapel which wasn't far from the cafe. He walked into the Church and found himself on his knees. With his hands clasped and eyes closed, he said a prayer. He asked God to be with Kevin to give him strength, for protection over Castiel and faith for himself. What he didn't ask for was an angel.

"Well, that's something I never thought I'd seen." chuckled a familiar voice with a British accent. Balthazar came confidently dressed in black jeans, boots, a black blazer with a gray t-shirt. He took a seat next to Dean who gave him a exasperated look and Balthazar chuckled nervously.

"Why are you here?"

"You asked for faith and Father sent me. I don't like it when Father sends me off the bench to deal with humans.", Balthazar shuddered at that thought.

"Well, that's just a barrel of laughs."

"I don't make the orders. I just listen."

"So what does the boss man say."

"Dean, you asked for faith. So let me tell you about faith and trying times. This my words , not father's."

"Go on."

"I've done someone soul searching. Usually, that means a bottle of wine and a pretty woman. But not this time."

"I know what you mean."

"We have to hold on to faith. Even though, I have no idea where Father is leading us. But you showed faith today. Something remarkable."

"I was thinking about Cass's faith.", Dean confessed

"He left us, just out of the blue. He keeps testing us and we fail him time and time again. My brothers slaughtered each other in unnecessary war. Maybe, Castiel taught us something. We've been working together and listening to each other. He was willing to die for that lesson and he taught us all something important."

"What's that?"

"Dean, you are extraordinary. I hate to admit that. You survived hell, heaven, purgatory, leviathans, Castiel as god, Castiel as a moody angel and God's tests of faith. Time and time again, Dean Winchesters pulls through."

"What's the point?"

"You are a righteous man, a man of faith. God choose you for heaven knows why. You and Castiel are entwined, Like brothers from different families. The Righteous man and The Rebel angel. You are our hope for the future."

"I've seen the future we're facing and it's not pretty."

"I know, we are facing something larger than a battle between brothers. It's something we can't prepare for."

"And Castiel does down with the rest."

"Maybe, he's broken and lost. But I think not to his own accord. Something changed him and I don't understand why. God put him through the biggest trails in his life. He went through hell and angels weren't designed for that."

"He's been destroyed by hell. He's losing faith."

"He needs you to the Righteous man of faith. The one who fights for him and hear the words you need to speak to him.."

"I''m not the best with words."

'But he'll listen to you."

"I can try."

"What you did today Dean was show signs of the man God wants you to be. The one who turns to faith in the middle of a nightmare."

And with that the British angel disappeared, leaving Dean all alone. Dean stood there in silence and reflected on the day. He would soon return his journey to Bobby's. But for now he remained in thought. Maybe he couldn't prevent the future but lessen the impact.


	13. Chapter 13- I Don't Wanna

Sometimes it was tough for Jimmy, having no control. He desperately wanted to reach out to Castiel; he could sense the angel's pain. They had been together through the thick and thin. They are two being entwined as one. While Jimmy sometime was alone, he knew he wasn't.

Sacrifices had to be made and he'd do anything so Claire didn't. This was his job,his purpose in God's plan. He said yes; he's glad he did. Even if it's hard, Castiel is like having a best friend who never leaves your side.

There are times when Jimmy knows and can see what is going on. Other times , he has no idea and is in the corner of his own mind. It's like an out of body experience when its your body; yet it's not your own. It's your eyes, but not your eyes. He might need therapy when this is all over.

It was rare time, when Cass and Jimmy shared a moment. Jimmy felt an extension of Castiel's grace; he reach out to comfort the angel. Together they had been through hell, heaven and purgatory. There was a bond between them.

"I can't do this anymore.",Castiel confessed

"I'm letting you give up."

"I don't wanna be an angel."

"What do we do now?"

"I dunno. They never taught me that."

"You need to really think about this, Cas."

"What do you suggest?"

"Let's go home."

"Where's home these days?"

"Illinois with Amelia and Claire."

"Could she love me like she loves you?"

"Claire or Amelia?"

"We're together in this. Amelia will just have to learn to love us."

"Okay."

Castiel knew there was one last thing to do. He took control once more and left Jimmy. He took a walk to a nearby park. He sat alone on a park bench, he wasn't dressed in his usual attire. There was no tench coat this time; he was blending in with his surroundings. Thoughts ran through Castiel's head and he had made up his mind.

"Worthless."

"Baby in a trench coat."

"Stupid"

"Failure."

"Wrong."

He had enough of this feeling worthless. It was time that he stopped being a burden to those he cared about. He thought about all he had managed to screw up. Maybe Alistair had been right, heaven would be better off without him. He just weight the Winchesters' down and he was God's mistake.

His name in Latin means to fall from God. Of course, this must have been Gabriel's doing since he liked the name rather than the meaning. Gabriel had raised him while God did what ever it is that he does. But maybe this was his destiny, just to screw up.

There would be one final act of valor before he was gone. Castiel might be as good as dead, for he would be no more. He was to become James Novak, just a normal guy. Nothing to screw up; just being normal and what not. And Jimmy was on board, so why not?

Several weeks of staking out and watching lead to finding Kevin. He requested a meeting with some loyal angel friends and they managed to get past the demons. Castiel was the one to find Kevin and he mojoed them out of there. He didn't want the angels to know; besides they didn't need to have Kevin.

"Cass?"

"Yes, Kevin. I'm here."

"I appreciate the rescue but what's going on?"

"This is my last act."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"I don't want to be an angel anymore."

"That's kinda of hard to undo."

"I don't want to be Castiel."

"God didn't make a mistake, Cass."

"How can you be so sure?"

"I've seen his work. He's not that cruel of a guy."

"I've seen more than you could imagine, boy. I've watched humanity grow from idiots to brilliant. They abuse their God given gifts. I watched the Earth come together. I don't wanna hear it."

"Castiel."

"Say goodbye to Dean for me."

With that Castiel disappeared; leaving Kevin outside a bus station. "Great, the angel of the Lord leaves me with a bus ticket." Kevin was somewhere in Kansas with only a bus ticket. And Castiel has gone AWOL.

"This is so encouraging.", Kevin mutters boarding the bus.

Castiel bought himself a train ticket, cleaned up and couldn't wait to be home. He could do this, be James Novak. Just him and Jimmy, one body with two minds. That wouldn't be so bad, they're a team now.

He cleaned up and arrived in Pontic, Illinois. All he had was the clothes on his back and a idea in his head. There wasn't left to do expect get home to his family. He had a family now, his name was no longer Castiel. His name is James Novak and he's a normal guy.

No more angel business; that life is behind him. He steps onto the front porch of a home he could start to love. This is his life now, the kind of apple pie life Jimmy Novak loved. He knocked on the door and there was Amelia.

"Jimmy?"

"Honey, I'm honey."

She hugs him, Jimmy lets Castiel know that he did that right thing. He holds her in his arms, she sobs. Her warm salty tears stain his shirt and he just holds on to her as if she float away. There is a brief kiss and Castiel learned from the pizza men.

Amelia awkwardly pats him on the shoulder and something stirs by Jimmy. Castiel feels it and grows worried. "Something isn't right.", Jimmy commented.

"I took your advise and sought help."

"You're better now?"

"Yes, I am."

"I'm glad."

"Can I see Claire?"

"Ummm...I don't so sure that's a good idea."

"Why? I'm all better know."

"Claire is gone."

"What do you mean gone?"

"She died."

"How?"

"Car Crash. About a year ago."

"Nooo. Not Claire."

"I'm sorry, James.

"Why didn't you call me?"

"You left no contact information.

"My Claire.", Jimmy cried, Castiel was no longer in control. He was in the back of Jimmy 's mind, there were few times Jimmy could overpower. This was one of them; the emotions a father had were strong.

Jimmy fell to his knees, all hope is lost. He sobbed while Castiel tried to hide deeper within the man. Amelia went into the kitchen where she sobbed and Jimmy comforted her. It made Castiel uncomfortable, he brief pondered if this is how Jimmy feels.

TBC...


	14. Chapter 14- The King And His Lionheart

Kevin grumbled as the bus arrived fifteen miles outside of Sioux Falls, North Dakota. He had a walk or hitch hike back to Bobby's. He sighted at the thought of that task. He began his walk as his soiled clothes clung to his body.

Castiel hadn't mojoed him back to Bobby's. So all he was given was a bus ticket. A whole day of riding the bus left him fifteen miles out. He managed to hitchhike to town where he borrowed enough money for a pay call. He called Dean who drove to meet him.

"There's my favorite Asian."

"Oh, you must be my favorite idiot."

"Shudda up."

"Let's get some food, I'm starving."

"What do you want?"

"Burgers."

"Let's go."

Kevin and Dean walked towards the cafe in town. They take a seat near the exit and entrance with access to either. They order their meal; Kevin wanted a double pattied burger with extra fries. He also wanted a large milk shake.

"Where's Cass?"

"I don't know."

"What the hell do you mean?"

"He just mojoed me and handed me a bus ticket."

"Great. You let the angel disappear."

"No—actually, Dean. He's quite capable of disappearing on his own. I had nothing to do with it."

"I really should get him an angel sitter.", Dean adds scratching the back of his head.

":Perhaps."

The meal came and Kevin ate. Dean hadn't seen a guy that small scarf some much food down. "Chew man. You'll choke."

"It's heavenly."

"I'm sure. But I'm not gonna preform any maneuvers on you if you choke."

"Understood."

Kevin finished and felt full for the first time in a long time. He really wanted a shower and a curl up in bed. Maybe some clean clothes would help. Dean paid for the meal and they were out of there. Kevin played with the pad of thumb awkwardly not wanting to tell Dean.

"You're hiding something."

"Nope. Just not in a talking mood."

"Come on, kiddo. We can do this the hard or the easy way."

"I been through hell and back. Why don't we just chat over tea?"

"Hardy har Har. You think you're so funny."

"So why did he disappear?"

"Umm, he said he didn't want to be an angel anymore."

"Damn it , Cass."

"He proclaims that he is finished with angelic business."

"Why?"

"He believe it is all his fault. That you would be better off without him."

"How could he think that?"

"You really haven't helpful."

"What the hell do you mean?"

"It's not your words, Dean. It's him."

"Explain, o-wise one."

"Shut it."

"Fine."

"While you may have forgiven him. He hasn't forgive himself. It's not your assurance he needs or his father's. But his own."

"I didn't think about it like that."

"You and him are a lot alike."

"What does that supposed to mean?"

"You assume that you have done something worse than you actually did. You are unable to forgive yourself."

They drove the remained to Bobby's in silence. Neither had any words to say to the other; instead they were alone with their thoughts. Dean struggled with the idea that Castiel couldn't forgive himself. While, Kevin wished he had the words the angel needed to hear. But he knew no assurance; not even from God would help.

Meanwhile...

James held Amelia in tight embrace, they sobbed mourning for their daughter. For just a moment, it seemed like nothing had changed. Once James had his breath under control, Amelia allowed him a moment to go upstairs.

James walked down the hall to the room that was Claire's. He sobbed when he found a picture of him and Clarie tossing a ball. He held Claire's stuff bear and reminders of a childhood lost. Nothing had been packed away. The room remained like it had been a year ago.

He came downstairs and Amelia sat on the couch. They looked over the baby book, looking at their Claire. Reliving first moments, swapping memories and laughing a bit. But soon the little fantasy idea of the vessel and angel would fall apart.

"Can I stay? We can be a family again."

"No. James, you can't stay."

"Why not?"

"James, I can't. Not after all we've been through."

With that sentence James's world came crashing down and Castiel had no hope. Amelia asked him to leave and James left. They were left without anyone – not family nor heaven-, no one to turn to. Castiel took a control as Jimmy had no desire to be in control.

James hide himself within the deepest corners of his own mind. He wanted to disappear and not have to deal with the world. Castiel could hear his sobs, the song of loss and mourning. But there was nothing either could do.

"I just want to forget.", Castiel whispered

Little did Castiel know how much he would be able to forget. He ran and ran as he feet hit the pavement. Amelia stood on the porch, calling after her husband. But he ran far, far away. And Castiel never looked back.

Once he was out of breath, he mojoed himself to the nearest bus station. Bought himself a bus ticket and took a late night bus to somewhere. Anywhere was better than there. He closed him eyes and dreamed of days long pasted.

Remember the days when the world was easier. Times when he wasn't at Dean's beck and call, well beck and prayer actually. He wasn't turning back, no more angel. He's no angel, not anymore. There were no prayers or words be said. Instead, he cut out angel radio and became part of the world.

He was done. Castiel in Latin means "To fall from God." What had his father done to help him out? When the world was going to hell and Lucifer rose, Father ran like a coward. So this was Castiel losing his faith. Something few angels had submitted to.

And James was somewhere lost within the pits of his own mind. He had no desire to see that light of day. His Claire was gone and Amelia wanted him gone. He had no family, only Castiel. The lonely man and the fallen angel. The King and His Lionheart.


	15. Chapter 15- Broken Hallelujah

When the hunter and prophet arrived at Bobby's, there was an unspoken understanding. Sam and Bobby are waiting worriedly for their return. No one had any leads on Castiel but they had been searching for him. But they hadn't found anything o the angel.

"Well, it's now or never."

"Can we not tell them?"

"Nope, we have to, Kev."

"Damn it."

"I know, kiddo."

They stepped out of the parked impala and walked to the door. Dean announced their return and they gathered in the living. Everyone was happy to see Kevin but the news he came with was bare. And the first thing out of Sam's lips was "Where's Cass?"

"Umm, We needs to talk, Sammy.",Dean stated

"Alright."

"Something wrong boy?", Bobby asked

"Yeah, Bobby."

"Castiel is gone.", Kevin explained

"What do you mean gone?"

"He doesn't want to be an angel."

"Balls."

"He disappeared. Called it his act of valor."

"We'll find that idgit then."

"No, Bobby. We can't make him."

"We can't stand here and do nothing."

"We can look for him."

There was silence as the two men took in the new information. Bobby excused himself to get a drink and offered if Sam wanted one. Sam accepted and they drank their beer. Bobby was shaken by the news and threw himself into work.

Dean watched worriedly and Sam forced himself to comfort his brother. Kevin sighted at the family's antics knowing how dysfunction they all were. "God help us",thought the honorary Winchester. He prayed that where ever Cass is that he's alright and he's with someone.

Little did Kevin know he's should have prayed for someone anyone but her.

Meanwhile...

Castiel woke and arrived in Chicago, he got off the bus with a new determination. And Jimmy was tucked away somewhere in his own mind. Castiel was done, he wore a broken crown. Jimmy was lost within the depths of his grief and mind. While Castiel had no faith in his father anymore.

There were no more prays nor words to be draw from his lips. Not even a broken halleluiah could be drawn. The powerful angel was no more, all that remained was a shadow of man who used to be God's chosen one.

It wasn't hard to find the nearest drinking establishment. Jimmy had money in his pocket and Castiel grinned when he found enough funds to do so. He wanted to forget; it was no longer between grace and choice. This was his declaration, angel no more. His body shook in anticipation and he welcomed the alcohol. The warm liquid was a welcoming and he drank.

"Hello, Clarence.", a familiar voice declared

"Meg?"

"Yep, Halo. It's me."

"What are you doing here?"

"Let's talk."

"About?"

"Winchesters are looking for you. So lay low, angel."

"Alright."

"You wanna hit the town?"

"I don't understand that reference."

"I mean, do you wanna have a good time?"

"With you?"

"Yeah."

"Why not.", Castiel shrugs

Meg declared that Cass needs to lose the accountant look. Castiel of course, couldn't agree more. The suit and trench coat were the clothes he wore as an angel. He not an angel anymore, so the two rebels went off in search of new clothes.

Meg taught Castiel some new tricks like how to pick pocket. Meg is rather brilliant at it and Castiel enjoyed watching her. They had money to have fun and they went shopping. Meg was gonna show Clarence how to have fun.

"So why did you run, angel?"

"I"m done."

"With?"

"Heaven."

"Good to know, angel. I'm done with hell."

"We could run away together."

"That's what we're going now, Clarence."

"I know."

They took a moment and found a shop. Meg told Castiel to sit still and she'll find him some new digs. He modeled outfits for her until she settles on one. He wore fitted dark wash jeans with a black leather belt that hung low on his hips. The jeans were paired with a black v-neck shirt, a dark blue hoodie and black lowcut converse.

"Looking good, Clarence!", Meg proclaimed from where she sat.

They paid for the items and walked out the door. Together they were renegades, running from their causes. Some are born into their cause, and others are brought into; but they both walked out. Meg meant what she said, they're gonna have the best time together.

"Wanna learn to smoke, angel?"

"Sure."

Meg taught him several skills and he mastered them. Castiel's a fast learner and Meg thinks he looks hot with the cigarette between his teeth blowing smoke rings. He's got pick pocketing, poker, drinking and smoking down.

But Meg had the rest of their evening planned. Castiel was the rebellious teenager and Meg the trouble maker willing to show him the world. And that's what they did that evening. Meg got them a decent room at a motel on the South side.

"Here we are."

"I like it. It's cozy."

"Wanna have a good time?"

"What are you thinking?"

"Let's drink."

They settled down with a body of whiskey, cards and smoked. Castiel beat Meg several times and they played until the bottle ran out. What Castiel didn't expect was Meg's lips on his, they had kissed before. But this was different, he liked the way she smelled of vanilla. The taste of her lips was cherry chap stick, whiskey and nicotine.

"Just love me for tonight, Clarence."

The pizza man taught Cass well, and the whiskey made him confident. This was just the start of it all; Castiel was rebelling and Meg was his tour guide. A world of trouble for the angel and demon on the run. But for now, Castiel was drunkenly unaware of his mistakes.

Perhaps it was for the best that he was blissful unaware. As for Meg, just for one moment she remembered how to be loved and how to love back. Demons weren't supposed to have love and be loved. Angels weren't made to disobey, lose faith and be free. Castiel had stated once before, "Freedom is the length of rope, God wants you to hang yourself with."


	16. Chapter 16- Burnt Out

Castiel woke that morning to a cold bed, which it hadn't been last night. He noted his own clothes were tossed around the room in disarray. He groaned at his slitting head ache while gingerly getting up. He found a note on the table.

Dear Clarence,

Last night was a mistake, look angel we can't be something. I think we both know that. Besides, it draws attention when we're together. Lay low, get laid and let lose, Who gives a damn anymore? This whole world has gone to hell, sometimes it's heaven's fault, but heaven forbid we change the silly phrase.

The great thing, angel about letting go of where you're from is you're free. God really didn't give a damn and either did the devil. So what the hell? If you wanna live, use the skills I taught you wisely. Don't be afraid of change either.

This is the new you, find out who you are not you they want you to be. By, the way learn the streets its safer. Pick up the lingo, blend in and learn the streets like the back of your hand. You've got a choice turn to crime or don't have a dime. Choose wise and be careful who you friend.

Meg.

Cas was too hung over to deal with all this, infact he saw no point to remain sober. Meg left him ample supply of cash and she'd even left him some more clothes it seemed. Cas dressed for a day out on the town.

He found trouble once he found the alcohol. In fact, he's the kind who will introduce Cas to a whole new world beyond what Meg taught him. He took a shine to Cas, he brought Cas a drink and introduced himself.

"Name's Max."

"Clarence."

They started talking, Cas found out Max's a burnt out pastor. So the two servants of heaven were running far from heaven. Cas found it easy to talk to Max and it was Max who saved his drunken ass from trouble. That's were their friendship started and it was Max who showed him the way.

"Wanna try something new?"

"What kind of new?"

"Come along , Clarence. Wanna smoke a joint?"

"Why the hell not?", He shrugged

Max and Cas settled down in Cas's dingy hotel room. Max and Cas sat on the floor, Cas watched as Max provided a joint. He lit it and they passed it back and forth. Cas didn't find it much different from smoking cigarettes.

"You wanna know why I brunt out?"

"Why?"

"God doesn't give a damn. If he did he'd do something a long time ago."

"I know, brother."

"What did you do before?"

"I guess you could say I was a man of God."

"What happened?"

"Lost faith."

Cas started to feel a buzz from smoking and he liked it. It wasn't long before he was in a nice high. He felt so relaxed like his problems could be forgotten. Max and Cas just passed it back n' forth till it ran out.

Cas felt like his problems could just melt away. Especially since he wanted to fly away but he can't. He's all zoned out and feeling pretty great when the phone rings. He groans as he pulls the unused black phone from his jacket pocket.

"Hello."

"Cas?", a familiar voice asks

"Yeah, Gabriel.", Castiel answered very mellow

"Are you alright man?"

"Fine. Never better."

"What are you on Cassie?"

"Nothing."

"That shit will rough you up Cas."

"I'm fine."

"And I'm a monkey's uncle."

"Don't worry about me, Gabriel."

"Then stop lying to me, Castiel."

"You aren't my parent."

"Oh really? Who raised you from a fledgling?"

"Micheal."

"When Micheal wasn't being a dick."

"Lucifer."

"When Lucifer was tormenting Micheal."

"I don't recall. Childhood was blur."

"Me, you idiot."

"Mind your own business, this doesn't concern you."

"I believe it does, little brother."

"Goodbye, Gabriel."

The phone clicked and Cas was gone, Gabriel left standing hallow. There was an emptiness within him, hurting that for his brother. Dean saw the look of hurt and worry in Gabe's green eyes. For once he could relate to the trickster. Being an older brother all, they had something in common, a little brother.

"He's gone, Dean."

"We aren't giving up on him."

"He's not himself anymore. I do not know who that was on the phone. He sounded like my brother but the words he said were not his own."

"Cas is a little lost, Gabe. Nothing personal, he just full on rebelled from heaven."

"Yep, Halo has lost it.", Meg announced

"And you had sex with him."

"That I did. Pizza man taught him well."

"God, that's my brother.", Gabriel sighted

"Way to go, Cas. Getting laid."

"With a freakin' demon."

"If it helps, Gabe. Sam has too, like hellish passion. It's rather distrubing."

"My eyes burn. Thanks, Dean-o."

"No problem."

"You wanted information, I got you information. And I got laid in the process."

"Ewwww, Meg. I just wanted insight into Cas's state of mind. Then you go and seduce him."

"I got him to talk didn't I? Gabe, I told you I could."

"Doesn't mean I trust you."

"Get over yourself angel."

"Never. I cannot believe you Winchesters, left my brother with a friggin' demon."

"We didn't have a back up plan. Lucifer or Castiel? So Meg babysit the little angel."

"He's definitely not little."

"Damn it, Meg. That's my baby brother."

"I know."

"Guys, can we focus here?", Dean suggested loudly

Sam chuckles from his computer and watches carefully. There was just something about watching his older brother talking to a demon and angel working together that was funny. Nothing real gets done with the group is together.

What an odd little team that had came together to find Cas. Very different people working together, heaven, hell, hunters and the prophet. Maybe somehow they'd find Castiel and perhaps put all the broken pieces back together again.

One could only hope that Cas wasn't too broken to fix. Sam had been broken beyond repair but Castiel switched places. Dean was raised by perdition and watched over by heaven's own Castiel. While Gabriel found comfort in pranks and Meg in a friendship with Castiel. Somehow, Kevin found a family with the Winchesters and Castiel too would be "healed".


	17. Chapter 17 - Grace And Choice

Times only worsened for Castiel, smoking pot turned into something stronger. His body grew tolerant quickly due to his grace and his actions became more sinful. The angel turned away from Father and faith, his own constant companion was Max.

But even Max found his end, Castiel found his friend face down in the pillow no longer breathing. But Castiel kept running from grace, eventually he would burn out. Day and night no longer mattered, he couldn't tell the difference. He was either stoned or drunk, never sober.

There was no funeral for his friend who slipped away in the night, no memorial service, he slips into the back ground fading away. No one would remember the burnt out pastor who once faithfully followed God. But Castiel would, that's what matters someone would remember Max.

Castiel was shocked when he found something in Max's jacket; there was bible, a dog-eared bible rough from use. The leather was crackled, it was beautiful and faithful. Its inscription read , "My dearest son, Maxwell Carter. For me and my house will serve the Lord."

There was picture of a younger clean faced innocent Max with his father who looked much like him. He wore cap and gown just graduating from seminary it appears. There was a date and the photo marked a verse which was high lighted. Within five short years of graduating seminary, Reverend Maxwell Carter burned out and died because of overdose.

For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you,"Do not fear; I will help you." -Isaiah 41:13

Cas' body shook with the need to use again and the want to open the leather-bound bible again. His heart said "Find faith again, Cas. If not it will be your end." But his head said, "Screw God, he never really cared. Go ahead, within minuets you could be higher than a kite."Castiel found himself clasp the worn leather-bound bible in his hand, there was an ache in his chest and tears in his eyes.

"What do you want from me?", Castiel shouted at the heavens. To which there was no reply, and that leather-bound book didn't seem to have the answer. Castiel fought between grace and choice, one would be his end and other his fresh start.

He fell to his knees, he sobbed and he need his Father. "Help me, Father. I can't do this on my own, I'm not strong enough." Castiel sobbed and sobbed until he was all cried out. His muscles tense and his body ached while his head pounded.

He caved unable to overpower the feeling of sinking against the rising waves. Cas' drug addled craved and craved until the want found great satisfaction. He moved his sleeve up and bunched it up, tied a band around his arm and injected himself with the coke. Within seconds, the familiar feeling of a high came rushing over him.

He needed help but who in the hell is he supposed to call? Where does he turn next? Castiel threw up on the floor before wiping his mouth. He managed somehow to clean himself up and dress in clean clothes.

He searched feverishly for an answer, and he found a card in Max's jacket pocket much like the bible had been in the other. His vision wasn't clear but his mind was sharp. He was able to make out a number for program that could help him.

It seemed fitting that the answer was found in the pockets of Max's jacket. The card read "St. Micheal's Rehabilitation Center" and a number on the card. He managed to find the discarded battered cell phone with just enough minuets to make a call. Castiel dialed that number and God answered the prayer. His heart raced faster than ever before and his breathing rapid.

Emergency services were sent directly to the scene as he described his overwhelming results of shooting up coke into blood stream. By the time they had arrived the situation was grim as if an invention from the Lord. Castiel felt himself overwhelmed and suddenly he couldn't control anything. It scared him to have no control over his own body. With the jerks of his body, he slipped into state unawareness of the EMTS raced into the room.

They waited into the seizure was over before loading him on a stretcher. Castiel was given anti-Seizures medication as a pre-caution and a breathing mask placed over his pale lips. His body had undergone a transformation,he was skinny ,and not the healthy slim either. There were bags under his lightness blue eyes and he had facial hair from weeks of not shaving. He didn't look like the same Castiel that revealed himself to Dean.

When Cas arrived they treated him and flushed the drugs out his system. He remained unconscious for several days and the withdrawal was painful. Even if the man wasn't awake there wasn't much they could do for the pain. Castiel woke three days later in a hospital bed, white scrubs hung off his slim frame. There was tall lanky man dressed in a white dog collared black shirt and matching slacks.

"Where's am I?", Castiel posed, confused and unsure while pain was thick in his voice.

"St. Micheal's Rehab Center."

Memories flooded back and Castiel remembered the card in his hand before losing control. He knew help had arrived and he was all alone. His belonging were very little which sat on the chair to the left of Cas' hospital bed. His head ached and he felt like he was suffering from the worst hang over ever. The Father talked softy and gentle which he appreciated.

"What is your name?"

"Clarence."

"I'm Father Price."

"It hurts."

"It will until your body flushes out its system."

Father Price sat with Castiel through the worst of the pain. The shakes, chills, vomiting, muscle cramps,nose bleeds and no sleep; it didn't matter Father stayed as long as Castiel needed him. Castiel shook in pain and Father was right with him, talking Cas through the pain. Cas' entire body ached, weakly he laid back against the pillows. The chills forcing him to pull the blankets to his chest.

"R...R...R...R-ead to me.", Castiel asked

"From what?"

"Max's bible."

"Of course.

Father helped the worn leather bible in his hand admiringly. "Who is Max?"

"He was a friend of mine. I guess he's the reason I'm here. I found the bible and card in his jacket."

"I see.", Father understood the owner of the bible is gone and Castiel sort inherited this faithful companion.

My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. -Psalm 73:26

"God loves you Clarence, he has saved your life even when your flesh and heart failed. He loves you enough to save your life and now you've gotten a second chance. That bad reaction could have killed you instead you are alive and sitting before me."

Castiel smiled contentedly as he closed his eyes and listened to Father Price's voice until he fell into easy sleep. Father Price smiled closing the bible and leaving the bible in his seat. He left the man sleeping gently, the poor man needed his rest after several restless nights. Father closed the door behind them and whispered, "Good night, Castiel. Father loves you and he's forgiven you."


	18. Chapter 18- Brother

Gabriel stood with Dean and he worriedly twiddled his thumbs. Meg was out scouting for the angel and listening for information. Gabriel knew he needed to tend to heavenly responsibilities, after all he was in charge of the garrison. The only connection he had to his baby brother at this point in time and for Cas he would do anything, even rejoin heaven as an ally.

"Dean, we need to talk."

"Yeah, Gabe."

"I need to return to heaven for a few days."

"Of course."

"I'll be back soon."

"I understand, be careful. Let us know if you find anything out."

"I expect the same, Dean."

"Better get going then, pal."

Gabriel smiled before traveling to heaven, his wings carried him to the heavenly ream. He stepped into the Garrison and began to bark orders to his angels. "I need a report, list of who is on Earth and Heaven. Also, a log of what they are doing."

Gabriel settled into the office which had once been Cas', nothing had changed since the post was abandoned. He took a seat and soon the reports were handed to him nervously by Samdriel. Gabriel gave the young angel a look.

"Are you feeling alright, boy?"

"Of course, sir."

"Keep up the good work."

Gabriel looked over the reports and everything seemed in order expect one angel was missing from the logs. He tabbed his fingers over the keys of the keyboard. Every angel but one was accounted for, his name Ben. Ben wasn't listed on the rosters but there had been any deaths recently.

"Samdriel.", Gabriel called

"Yes, sir."

"I want to know where Ben is."

"I don't know, sir.", Samdriel stuttered

Gabriel was beyond pissed as he questioned Samdriel who gave him no answers. The angel bit his lip before stuttering, "He's not here, he's on Earth."

"You answer to me and I want to know where he is."

"Balthazar knows, sir."

"Get him in here, right now."

Samdriel paled as he went looking for Balthazar and within seconds he explained everything. Balthazar apologized for the archangel's behavior. "He's just a grouch since Cassie is missing."

"Yes, sir.", Samdriel stammered

Balthazar walked into the office unafraid, Gabriel didn't scare him easily. He knew what the archangel was capable of but he wouldn't be harmed. Balthazar didn't explain a thing as Gabriel demanded him to speak.

"Where is the damn kid?",Gabriel barked

"You mean Ben?"

"That's the one."

"Here." Balthazar handed Gabriel a familiar tan trench coat before turning on his heels and left. The archangel sobbed following to his eyes and held Cas' coat. He prayed to Father that Cas is alright where ever the hell he was. In the trench coat, he found a card for "St. Micheal's Rehabilitation Center."

Written in Balthazar messy writing was "The answer you're looking for" and Gabriel finshed for the day. He left and found himself outside of the hospital. He took a shaky step forward, he knew he had to find Cas before he lost his brother.

He saw the name on the card was for Father Andrew Price and he found the office for the Father. He knew Father was the man in charge and he would be the guy to speak to. He knocked and a voice said "Come in, Gabriel."

"Expecting me?"

"I was, brother."

"Where's my brother?", Gabriel demanded harshly pressing the angel against the wall.

"He's a patient here, it in his best interest that you don't get involved."

"You damn son of a bitch. You don't fucking get it. That's my brother in there.", Gabriel barked

"I know you must be hurting, Gabriel. That is understandable."

"Understandable my ass. I've been hunting all over, moving heaven and hell for him. He's just right through those doors."

"I can't, Gabriel. I have orders."

"I give the orders, you idiotic piece of shit."

"Father's orders."

"Father's orders, my feathered ass."

Gabriel was shocked at the familiar seal on the letter in Ben's right hand, he knew the symbolism. A seal he had only seen a handful of times; when Lucifer rebelled in the Garden, his orders to deliver the news to Mary, to warn Joseph, to stand down during Job's test and now as his brother was falling apart. He knew those orders meant he must obey and his chest was heavy as he took the next breath.

"Oh.",Gabriel released Ben from his grasp and clenched the letter in his hand. There were no words spoken between Gabriel and Ben. Gabriel was in so much pain and his heart broke knowing his brother is here. But God doesn't want the brother to help his youngest son. No, he has orders to stand down and that hurt like hell.

"He's not alone, Gabriel. I promise I will take care of him."

Gabriel didn't open his mouth to speak and instead turned to leave. Ben was alone in the office when Gabriel dashed off. He sighted knowing, Gabriel must be hurting beyond his understanding. Ben hoped and prayed Father knew what he was doing. Sometimes he seriously wondered and he returned to his work.

Once, Gabe had read and re-read the letter he knew his orders and he felt empty. He nursed too many shots of amber liquid to nurse his emptiness into blissful brokenness. Gabriel returned staggering drank into the hotel and the letter safely in his jacket. He carried Cas' coat in his hands and his eyes blood shot. Dean commented the male looked a mess while helping him settle down.

Gabriel had no words of explanation, his green eyes lost their mischievous spark. Meg had returned and she had no news but it appeared Gabriel had some news. Dean let the tears slide down his face as he look in the sight of Cas' coat.

Meg turned away, too many memories of the angel who could warm her hellish heart were tied to that coat. Even Sam was a little misty eyed at the sight of the faithful tan trench coat, it was a sign of both hope and loss.

Before the lost of Castiel, the coat was a symbol of who Cas is. The faithful and loving angel who loved the Winchester enough to rebel. The friendship he offered to Meg, during times of difficultly she remained with him and he, her consent friend. And brotherhood beyond blood, shared not only with Gabriel but the Winchesters as well.

The coat now was tossed aside, it was evident the coat had been simply tossed aside and forgotten. Cas had shed the coat of who he was and accepted himself as just broken beyond repair. But there is always a diamond in the rough. And that coat would once more embody who Castiel is, Dean promised that much to the lost Angel of the Lord.


	19. Chapter 19- Just A Little Lost

Weeks passed while Castiel fought the addiction and its aftermath. Withdraw was a bitch and Castiel suffered the results. But what Dean Winchester never expected was the angel of the Lord to call him.

Cas passed worriedly, he placed his quarters in the pay phone and placed his call. He bit his lip, waiting for the call to connect. Castiel twisted the cord as he waited when finally the call was confirmed connected.

"You better have a hell of a good reason for calling whoever has this number."

"It's Cas."

"How are you Cas?"

"I need you, Dean.",Castiel shook with need and desire, how badly did he want to use. But his body fought with the chills, shakes and vomiting. All he wanted was an anchor, Dean could be his phyical anchor. A reason to fight would be for his family, and Dean was a part of that family.

"I need the address."

Castiel gave him the address and Dean wrote it on paper.

"What's wrong, pal?"

"I don't know if I can win this fight."

"Just hold on, Cas."

"I'm afraid."

"Castiel, we're family. We'll get through this.

"I don't want to lose."

"We've fought demons, hell, purgatory and heaven. We can win this fight."

"Hurry, Dean."

"I will. I'm on my way. I've got to go but I'll be there soon enough."

Castiel sobbed, his body ached as he slid against the wall. He rested there, his body against the hall and closed his eyes. He wore his white scrubs with his hoodie and the hospital bracelet remind him of his current battle.

His fingers found itself to the bible kept close to him in his large pocket in his jacket. He opened to a page marked "When struggling turn your eyes to him" on a blue sticky note.

''He replied, "Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." ― Matthew 17:20

Castiel smiled as he read the note in Max's messy hand writing.

"Sometimes, we cannot control our situations. Yet God is always with us. Even you of little faith can command the mountain to move and it will move. This is your mountain so make it move away of your way. It is not your road block, but rather a new path to take. This too is possible for you, and hold onto the faith of a mustard seed." - Max

Cas held onto those words, as he hazily made the journey back to his room. He shivered and settled himself into a chair. He covered himself with a blanket, sat in a chair facing the window and watched the cars go by.

He made himself go numb, trying to avoid the raging pain of withdrawal. He was driving himself crazy, he tried so hard to hold on. But he lost it during the defying silence of angel radio. His drug addled brain craved and he tried so hard to fight it.

Castiel managed to sneak out of the hospital, it wasn't a hard feat. He watched the corner and his grace helped. He ran and ran as fast as he could past the rehab center. The bible was left behind in his hospital room. The words still fresh in his mind but his body needed it.

Castiel slipped into an old routine, pick pocketing wasn't a challenge for him. He stole enough to give him sweet overdue release. He nearly cried with glee as he held the new syringe in its packing and the coke in the vile,

He shoot up, the drugs rushing through his system with seconds. His mind danced in sweet bliss and he shot up again when it faded. His heart raced and his pulse pounded while the high lasted a bit longer. He expect the high to last forty five minuets at the most.

He came crashing down as he attempted to find his way back. It was Dean who found the angel in a gutter alongside the road. "Cas!", He called, holding the angel of the Lord in his arms. He looked over him to assess his condition.

"Dean.", Castiel weakly managed

"What did you do Cas?"

"I couldn't fight anymore."

"Let's get you back."

Castiel settled into the passage seat of the impala and Dean rushed back to the center. Castiel was re-admitted and returned to his room. His system was flushed with fluids and Dean sat with him. He watched the rise and fall of the angel's chest.

All he could think was future Castiel, who had fallen because of the war raging in hell not long ago. He was rather in shock by Cas' current condition. He saw foreshadowing of the man he had seen in 2014. Dean's mind raced in fear, that perhaps Castiel was un-saveable.

He clearly had an imagine in the back of his mind of the person future Dean became and the way he treated Castiel. The way his best friend had been so broken and lost. He didn't want Castiel to be broken beyond recognition.

"I'm here now, Cas.", Dean whispered

Castiel looked pale compared to his white sheets on the bed. He was cuffed to the bed, the angel wasn't going any where. Castiel wheezed and his nose often bled. He was so skinny and sickly looking, Dean noticed.

Dean found the worn bible inscribed with Max's name. He figured the angel must have knew the man or found the bible. He wasn't sure, Castiel seemed so unpredictable at his point. With one final glance, Dean bowed his head and prayed.

"Ummmm, God. It's Dean. If you listening, please be with Castiel. He needs you, Lord. He's a little broken and if anything he needs you. He went looking for you long ago. He fought for you and now, He's hurting. He doesn't deserve this, carry him through this. Amen."


	20. Chapter 20- Fault

Dean sat with the sick drug addled angel who never woke. The doctor wasn't if Cas would ever wake again for the matter. They told him last time he had been lucky to survive. But this time, he overdosed and his heart stopped in the night.

The effects were damaging to Castiel's body and brain. He stopped breathing for a good three minuets before his heart was restarted. He took a turn for the worse in the night. The MRI images weren't great, he was declared brain dead last night.

A traumatic brain injury was his diagnose, his fate handed to him without a hope of recovery. Dean didn't know what the hell to do. But he would remain by Cas' side until either his heart stopped or his blue eyes opened.

Sometimes Dean would sing "Carry On My Wayward Son" or "Hey Jude" to the angel. Dean tried to fill the silence of the room. He'd talk to Castiel or read to him to pass the time. But hours turned into days, the hope was sliming.

He called home with the news and they seemed to be taking it hard. Dean sat, his head in his hands, trying to decided what the hell to do. He heard his phone ring, and he answered it. The caller I.D. read Gabriel.

"Hello."

"How is he?"

"No change."

"Could we meet up for some coffee?"

"I don't want to leave him."

"He's not going anywhere."

"Fine, fifteen minuets and that's it."

"Cool.I'm outside the door."

"Really?"

"Yep."

"Goodbye."

"See ya in a minuet."

"I'll be right back, Cas."

Dean adjusted Cas' covers making sure he was comfortable before he put his jacket on. He said his goodbyes before meeting Gabriel outside. He let the nurses know he'd be right back.

Gabriel and Dean walked quietly to the cafeteria. Gabriel got them two cups of coffee and a piece of apple pie. Dean cocked an eyebrew, "What the hell?", He thought. Gabriel offered a gentle smile.

"What's up?"

"There's something I need to tell you."

"What?"

"It's all my fault."

"Let me tell you everything."

"What do you mean?"

"I should have been there to protect Castiel. My own selfish desires and cowardice are what caused him to become who he is today. He was falling when he raised you from Perdition. Hell, his name means 'to fall from God'."

_**Econs ago...**_

_**The angels fought two wars, one of them taking place while Cas was just a child. It was after Lucifer fell, we all were hurt. Before he was a monster, he was beautiful and strong. His wings were glowing with grace and golden. **_

_**His name means barer of God's light and he once was. But that all changed, I'm not sure when or how. Cas was just a child before Luc turned, he loved us. We were a family; Micheal, Lucifer, Cas and I. But it all fell apart and it torn us apart. **_

_**Lucifer fell and evil took hold of his once godly state. Micheal turned from the kind protective older brother into a bastard bent on avenging our Father. A war was fought, heaven won but God began to grow humanity. **_

_**Cas began to grow up in all the confusion. He cried himself to sleep at night. He cried out for his fallen brothers who would never come home. I nearly fell and lost myself while raising my brother. I turned to drinking and I took us from heaven.**_

_**I don't really know how he turned out alright. But somehow he did. Eventually, he grew up and my dependency on alcohol grew. He called me 'Dad' once, I yelled at him. "I' m not your Father." And that was it. I took him back home and I left him there alone.**_

_**He grew up and I hid from him like a coward. He began someone so amazing, he hid his brokenness and his screwed past. He sorta of began the perfect angel, he had this idea that it was all his fault that we left.**_

_**He went to war, meet Balthazar and they kept each other safe. The war ended and life went on, while I hid in the shadows. I came back when I found out by brother got hurt. And he forgave me, accepted me like I did nothing wrong.**_

_**He healed and we started to repair our relationship. And then I left for the last time without saying goodbye. He was falling before he meet you. He heard your broken cries and he raised you from perdition.**_

_** It's our fault, too; my brothers and I really messed up. We screwed up, and he was a product of our screw up. You wanna know why he feels the idea to solve every damn problem, its cause he couldn't fix us.**_

_**If you thought your Dad was a crappy Dad, I feel take the cake. I was so horrible to my brother and now he's broken beyond recognition.. He has this damn need to fix the broken and it's killing him. He's made some mistakes of his own, I'll admit. But it's my damn fault and it's too late to fix him.**_

"Now my brother might die.", Gabriel sobbed after admitting his faults

"You listen to me, Gabriel. I don't care, we'll fix him."

"Is he still in there?"

"I think so. Cas is in there somewhere, we just have to find him."

"You must think I'm horrible."

"No, I think we've done worse or equally bad things."

"I don't know."

"Sam's screwed up. I've been at fault sometimes."

"Cas is just a baby, though."

"He always was."

"I think that's why he clings to you."

Gabriel locked eyes with Dean who stared right back at him.

"He needed someone, Dean. And he choose you."

"I didn't deserve salvation."

"It's not earned. It is given and paid in full."

"He deserves better."

"Don't we all?"

Dean smiled sadly right back at Gabriel for once he could relate. He was an older brother after all, and He understood. He wasn't gonna judge the archangel, hell he's done crap to Sam before. Somehow little brothers turn out alright in the end.


	21. Chapter 21- Home

Dean began to realize that suddenly, angels weren't all different from Sammy and him. It sounds like Gabriel screwed up big time. Yet without words, Castiel always accepted him back. Nothing could tear the bond of brothers apart; earthly or heavenly it was no matter.

Gabriel's story remained with him, realizing the archangel trusted Dean for some odd reason. Sure, he was a trickster and he gave them one hell of a heart time. But he is Cas' older brother and Dean tolerated him. But the fact Gabriel trusts him changes things.

The heart monitor dipped raising and falling before speeding up. Each deep came fewer in-between and longer before it reached Dean's ears. Cas' chest raised and fell, each breath came weaker. He wheezed as the line began one soild deep.

"Flat-lining. Call a code.", The Nurse shouted.

Dean was pushed out of the room, the staff rushed to fight for Cas' life. They worked for several attempts, "Clear!" was shouted before Cas was shocked. But the third attempt failed as the doctor declared the time of death.

Dean What human doctors did not understand was Castiel's grace was healing him. As weak it was it, something inside clung to the hope. Gabriel sobbed, he held Cas' coat in his hand and it smelled of him. He took the scent of his brother with Cas, knowing that the only comfort he could offer the angel's brother was his trench coat. And as for Cas, there was nothing he could do. He heard a shout, it was Gabriel who with tears in his eyes and divine wrath glowing fought Ben.

"He's my brother."

The archangel was beyond angry and he wanted his brother.

He fought through the angels who stood in his way. The human doctors wouldn't remember a thing as their memories were to be erased. His Moma bear like instincts kicked in and he fought through them. And he arrived in Cas' room where he held his broken brother.

"I'm so sorry, Cas."

He sobbed, "Come back to me. I don't care if you aren't the same anymore."

Gabriel's tears hit Cas' chest, he sobbed and held his brother close. "Please, Cas. I can't live without you. Not again.."

There was a transfer of love and grace with each tear. "I know, I screwed, pal. I never should have left your side."

Cas took a wheezing breath back into life and opened his beautiful blue eyes. Gabriel felt the warmth transfer back to him. Gabriel felt his brother weakly hold onto him.

"Gabriel?"

"Shh. I'm here, Cassie. I'm not going anywhere."

"I wanna go home."

"You go back home with Dean. But we have to get you better first."

"No."

"What do you mean no?"

"Home is with you."

Gabriel dwarfed his little brother with wide outstretched wings. He wrapped himself around Castiel and held in warmly. Dean smiled as he stepped into the room leaning against the door. Castiel held tightly onto the archangel, snuggling closer.

Dean left to give them a moment along and Ben smiled watching from afar. "Cas is home, misson complete."

"What the hell?"

"He needed to say the words.",Ben explains poorly

"That's his brother, you bastard."

"Father's orders."

"Dumb ass reasons if you ask me."

"Listen, pal. I don't know who you think you are. But when Father gives you orders you follow them."

"You friggin' douche, don't think I won't gank you."

Dean forcedly gasped Ben dressed in his clegery wear with the dog collar. He pinned the angel roughly against the wall and held tight. "I will send you damned ass right back to heaven without a second though."

"Please...Please...I can explain."

"No need.", a loud voice boomed

"What the hell?"

"Release him, Dean."

Dean dropped the angel roughly before a man appeared before him. The man had a glow about him, dressed in white suit with silver tie. The gray hair suited the male, whose face showed no signs of age but his eyes full of wisdom. Dean gasped, before him stood Chuck but he looked different. Chuck laughed before revealing himself.

"No friggin' way, God?"

"Hello,Dean."

Ben ran, Dean growled and God waved his hand, "It alright, you've spooked him."

"Explain."

"Of course."

God took a deep breath before opening his mouth to speak. "Castiel's faith was tested and he made his choice. Heaven is not home for the angel. He passed the trails before him. He choose Gabriel, he choose Heaven and he choose faith. He will heal and become stronger than very before."

"What about Gabriel?"

"The whole war, he hide like a coward. He had his reasons, but it was time for him to decide where his loyalties lie. He choose his brother, his second chance."

"Why did you lie about being God?"

"You know the humans portray me wrong. I needed to fix that while I wrote the Winchester Gospels. I pretended to be a prophet and human so I could reside on Earth during the trails that my Righteous man, his brother, my son and Singer would face. I was always nearby, watching close from a distance. I never wanted suffering, I just knew you guys would do my biddings and win the war."

"I should kill yopu."

"But you won't.", He smirked.

"Why's that?"

"I can offer you and your brother salvation from damnation."

"Granted. But I still should, you bastard."

"I'm not really father of the year. But I think Castiel turned out all right."

"Define 'alright'."

"He's not Micheal or Lucifer."

Dean shrugs, he can't disagree.

"Besides, he passed the test. They didn't."

With a powerful wind, the man before Dean disappeared without a trace. Dean watched as the sun rose brighter than before, the angelic brothers sat together. Castiel would be alright, maybe not the same but a little broken. But no one is too broken to be fixed again. Some how Cas would heal and recover from his current state.

**Epilogue**


End file.
